


Transference

by KrissyG927



Series: Transference [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Chair Bondage, Clothing Kink, Consensual Kink, Consent, Daryl Dixon Smut, Daryl Dixon/Original Female Character Smut, Daryl Gives Oral Sex, Daryl In Love, Daryl likes to be tied up, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Undertones, Dominance, Dominatrix, Enthusiastic Consent, Explicit Consent, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hand Job, Handcuffs, Hurt/Comfort, I might be a little crazy, Ice Play, Issues, Just a big smut show, Kink Exploration, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay, Piercings, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Resolved Sexual Tension, Restraints, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safewords, Scarf Kink, Sexual Content, Sexual Experimentation, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Shameless Smut, Submissive Male, Tattoos, Teasing, Trust Issues, Two one shot sequels to this smut show, blind folds, mis-use of Ice Cream toppings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-21 16:58:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 37,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6059008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrissyG927/pseuds/KrissyG927
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My dear sweet Pharmtechgirl71 gave me this prompt. Originally it was supposed to be a one shot, but I see it going further. If people want it to, you will have to let me know.</p>
<p> Be warned. This is a story about Daryl seeking out a different and not so mainstream relationship. It is 100% consensual and he asks for it. He seeks out what he wants so if you have read the tags and you continue to read it's on you. Xoxoxox Krissy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pharmtechgirl71](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pharmtechgirl71/gifts).



> Very different subject matter for me. I will be very curious about what people think. If it isn't your thing though please don't read it. My feelings wont be hurt at all.

The card said Lady Stephanie on it as he twirled it through his fingers, it almost felt hot to his touch but he knew that was his imagination. He was just…excited.

Daryl sat astride his motorcycle in the garage parking lot just looking at the pink card with black writing for a while. He had just lied to Merle, which he never did, about why he had to leave work early. He forgave himself quickly for that, because he could never tell his brother the truth and furthermore, he wanted this desperately.

The librarian at the local library had given him her card after he had checked out some books on the topic. Apparently it wasn’t as uncommon as he had thought, even for this small Georgia town he lived in.

He just about fell over when that happened, though, when she gave him the pink card he was now staring at. So much for stereotypes and knowing people. She was right under his nose this whole time.

He had known Stephanie from the library for at least six years, but that was the first time he had checked out those kinds of books. She was a dark haired beauty who wore glasses and her hair up, like a typical librarian would and he had always liked her.

She was his age he presumed and attractive, but he couldn’t talk to her about much more than what books were good to read and what was the latest best seller. Talking to women was not easy for him, but he knew he would have to talk to her now, about more than ‘The Stand’ and ‘Fear nothing.’ He looked forward to this somehow and he couldn’t wait to get to her.

He didn’t ask her about these latest books, and he had checked them out with the electronic scanner. So he wouldn’t have to look her in the eye.

When he brought them back he tried to drop them in the drop slot at the library desk and just as he was turning to leave he heard her voice.

“Stop, Daryl.” He stopped right there in his tracks, her voice was different, authoritative. Not at all the way her voice was when they were discussing Stephen King or Dean Koontz. She spoke as if she expected he would obey.

And he did.

He turned around and she slid the card across the desk at him and his head almost exploded.

He didn’t call her for three weeks and he didn’t go back to the library either. When he did call her, instead of wanting to meet somewhere private she asked him to meet her at a diner one town over.

Where no one they knew might be, he knew that was the reason.

She was late. He sat there for twenty minutes past the time she told him she would be there. Then he ordered a coffee. He waited some more, and forty-five minutes later she slid into the booth across from him.

He was so happy she showed up. He had thought he was being stood up.

“Well.” She said. “I guess you’re serious.” She said without introduction but in a soothing voice. He noticed her hair was down and he couldn’t remember ever seeing her hair like that.

“I called you didn’t I?”

She laughed softly. “Daryl, lots of men call me.”

He blushed and looked down at his coffee. He wasn’t used to women being assertive, and he’d never imagined her this way. Not in his deepest darkest fantasy did he ever think the sweet librarian he knew liked to order men around.

Then again, he hadn’t realized he wanted that until just recently. Every relationship he had ever been in had failed and it wasn’t till he did a lot of soul searching and reading did he understand why.

“Look at me.” She said and he raised his head. Her eyes were hypnotizing green; he couldn’t look away. “They usually leave when I’m late. That’s how I know who really wants it and who doesn’t.”

He looked at her like he had finally found the key to life. She got him, she had said four o’clock and wait for me and he did just that. She got him.

He had feelings inside of him that he couldn’t tell anyone about. Maybe he could tell her what he wanted, he was thinking just that but then she stood up. He panicked for a moment and then she smiled.

“I’m going to the ladies’ room, order me a coffee, light with Splenda, not Sweet and Low, and a garden salad, no tomatoes, oil and vinegar on the side and three lemon wedges.”

She started to walk away and she turned back, and as she expected his eyes were on her. “Parmesan cheese on the salad.”

She came back a while later and everything was on the table exactly how she wanted it and she blessed him with a smile.

“Thank you Daryl.” She took her napkin and placed it on her lap, so dainty and lady like. He watched her every move, she was an incredible woman. “How did that make you feel, getting me everything I wanted, exactly how I wanted it?” she asked him.

He thought about it and couldn’t bring himself to reply. He had felt ashamed for so long about what he wanted and needed. He liked pleasing her, and it was different than pleasing someone else. She made it clear she expected it and that was what he was looking for.

“It’s just us here Daryl. You can tell me.” She sipped the coffee. “It’s delicious, you did well.”

“I feel like this is a test.” He considered it for a minute, he might as well be honest with her. He had nothing to lose at this point, although going to the library again was out of the question.

“Really?” She said keeping her eyes on him.

“I know it was a test.” He had read that it was important to be honest and he knew he would never get what he wanted if he didn’t tell her. “But I feel content.”

“Well, you’re right. This is my way of seeing if you are serious, I don’t charge for this.” She said.

This surprised him and his face must have given him away, he expected to pay for her services. He knew he could ask questions, communication was important, the books had said as much, every one of them as a matter of fact.

“So I have these little…tests to see who’s in it for real.” She said. “Because it isn’t a game to me and I never take money.”

“Then why do you do it?”

“Because I need it.” She sipped her coffee. “Just like you do.”

He waited for her to say more. He made eye contact with her so easily and that was a first for him. Stephanie made him feel comfortable, there was none of the awkward bullshit he had with other women. She was very frank and it was refreshing that she made no excuses for what she needed from him.

He needed something from her, and now he knew what to expect and it was a relief.

“Isn’t that what it’s all about, the mingling of what you desire and what I desire.” She said and he nodded right away, that was exactly what he had just been thinking.

He fully expected to pay her for this, he was aware from reading that that was how these things worked, but she didn’t want money.

“Tell me about your sexual history.” She said

“Vast and unsatisfying.”

“Ok, that will change.” She said matter of factly. “I’ll need you to get a blood test and bring me the results, proof that you’re clean and I’ll provide the same.”

He nodded because he expected as much. It was customary in these types of agreements. No matter what the arrangement was, even if there wasn’t any sex involved. Proof of good health and lack of STD’s wasn’t optional. It was just good practice these days no matter what the relationship was.

“Oh, but it doesn’t have to get sexual.” She said. “Please understand that’s up to us to decide. It doesn’t have to be, but we still both get tested so if it goes that way, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Sure, I understand.”

“I assume you would prefer not to use condoms. And as long as you’re clean…”

“But…” He had been using condoms since he was fourteen, he was twenty-nine, he had never not used one.

“I can’t have children.” She said simply in a manner that made it clear there was to be no questions about it. “But that won’t happen right away, sexual things, if at all, you understand that right.”

He understood, she was the boss, everything would happen on her terms when she wanted it. He nodded that he understood.

“We’ll talk about all of those things, I might be the one in charge, but I want to know what makes you tick.”

“Oh.” Who had ever even cared about what made him tick? 

“Mutual desires right and consent? It’s all very important.”

He couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

“And this is your first time right?” She asked, even though she knew the answer to that. He was curious about what was inside of him, that was why he read the books.

But would it be what he thought it was? So far he had responded exactly the way she expected, every step of the way. He had waited for her, showing that he was patient, which was important. He would have to be patient if this was going to work. He would have to learn to wait for rewards and so far, he was a perfect candidate.

He followed her directions about what to order exactly. That was also important.

This was her way to find out about him. Now she would tell him about herself, it would always be give and take with them.

“Yes. My first time.”

“Ok, It’s not mine. You need to know that. I’ve done this before, and I am currently available for you. Many Dominatrixes work with more than one person. But that doesn’t work for me, you need to know that too. Next Friday we’ll talk about that in more detail. I only ever get involved with one man at a time.”

“So you’re faithful.” He joked and she laughed a laugh that made his heart sing. He wanted to make her laugh all the time. It was the best sound he had ever heard.

“I expect the same from you Daryl.” She said. “It’s all about trust, every bit of it. If we don’t trust each other this won’t work at all. I can’t worry that you’ll give me some disease, you understand?”

He nodded.

“Ok. Good, because the minute I don’t trust you, it ends and of course, the same for you. You need to be able to trust me as well.”

“Then can I ask you a question.”

“Of course.” She said. “You can ask questions anytime, unless I say you can’t.”

She grinned at him and he noticed she had a dimple on her right cheek, but not on her left. He had been memorizing her face as they were talking. He had noticed her before this, but he was painfully shy and could only ever be with a woman if he was drunk. He never looked at her face for so long before or anyone’s face truthfully.

“But you can right now.” She said smiling. “Ask away.”

“You’ve done this before? And only with one person at a time?”

“Yes.”

“How is it that you’re…available?” 

“Well, next Friday we’ll discuss terms that both of us can agree upon. One of my terms which you should know right off the gate is.” She poured the vinegar and oil on her salad. “Do you know what Transference is?”

“Yes.”

“Sometimes that becomes a problem. It’s important to understand this is an agreement nothing more.” She said.

“And you’ll end it if I can’t keep it separate.” He finished.

“Or if I can’t.” She said and then added. “I don’t mean to say that we won’t care about each other, because we will. Deeply.”

He didn’t say anything, just looked at her with soft eyes. He wanted to care about someone for once and not feel so empty inside. He wanted someone to care about him.

“Also, I don’t drink or do drugs ever, I expect you to be clean and sober. That’s the only thing I ask, this isn’t Fifty Shades of Grey, I’m not going to patrol your food or make you go jogging. I won’t hurt you, not physically or emotionally, no humiliation. I don’t get off on that, if that’s what you want I can put you in touch with….”

“No.” He said. “No, I want you.” He gulped out. “And I don’t want that.”

“Ok and about the word no.” She winked at him. “We’ll talk about just what that word means next Friday at my place, address is on the card. Same time, don’t be late.”

She stood up to go.

“Oh and Daryl, don’t be afraid to come to the library or if we see each other somewhere. Friday nights are just between us, it’s our secret.”


	2. The Rules (Were you expecting a leather corset?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I totally took liberties to make this story fit the way I wanted it to be.  
> My apologies if I got anything wrong regarding how these things commence. But I hope you all enjoy. Song lyrics (Omg she's doing that again) in parentheses.

We’re the restless hearted, not the chained and bound. ---Slave to Love by Bryan Ferry

 

He couldn’t wait till Friday night, he went home and couldn’t stop thinking about her. The weekend passed slow as molasses in sub-zero weather, just like the song and the week was just the same. It dragged by because now of course he had something to look forward to. 

Daryl almost went to the library a few times just to look at her, but realized that wasn’t the deal they were making. It was a deal, plain and simple, like a business transaction with no money exchanged.

She had said it was alright, but truthfully he wanted her so badly already since their first meeting, he was sure he wouldn’t be able to contain himself in public. And it wasn’t just sexual, although he wanted that if she did, it was just that he wanted to be near her. 

She understood him and that was just about the greatest feeling in the world.

She had specifically said that what they were going to do was not going to happen in public. Some people were collared and wore them in public, went to functions where people were leashed and collared, but Stephanie said she didn’t need all that showy stuff, if he didn’t.

She had few requirements and let him tell her what he needed. She said it was her job to make sure he had what he needed, just as much as it was his job to make sure the same for her.

She wasn’t averse to it, if he wanted that. But they agreed together it wasn’t a deal breaker. She said maybe they would exchange necklaces to wear, something not so obvious.

He liked that idea, he would belong to her and she to him for as long as it lasted, that’s how it worked. A symbol, that he could look at as a reminder made him feel good about himself somehow.

If they saw each other in a store or the library, they could say hello and that was it. Just two friends greeting each other, nothing more, but he would see a necklace around her neck and know.

They would do that in two weeks’ time after they signed the papers. But it was all so new right now, so he couldn’t chance seeing her in public and not knowing how to act. Not yet anyway.

She encouraged him to go on the internet and look around to see what he wanted and what he didn’t want. Which he did and she told him she clearly knew what she didn’t want and would let him know.

Stephanie said they had to trust each other for it to work. He trusted her already, she gave him what he needed in one half hour conversation than a million dates he could ever go on.

By the time Friday at lunch time came he was dropping tools all over the place and Merle was up his ass, because he spilled his coffee on the car he was working on.

“What the fuck is with you?” Merle said after he dropped his wrench for the third time in an hour.

“Nothing.” Daryl snapped as he reached for the wrench again.

“Look, I’m guessing you got a date tonight since you told Axel you have to leave at three, so who is this girl that’s got you all twisted up?”

He couldn’t suppress the grin that appeared on his face. Merle chose the most appropriate words sometimes and he didn’t even know it.

“It’s not a date.” Daryl replied and Merle shook his head.

“Bullshit, go the fuck home before you kill yourself, you drop that wrench one more time it’s going to land on your foot.” Merle cackled. “She must be something else.”

She is.

Daryl went home and got in the shower to wash all the grease off of himself all the while thinking about what they had talked about the week before. Stephanie had said that everyone had choices in life and that no one should feel bad about their choices, or feel bad about what they needed to be happy and fulfilled.

Stephanie also told him that he would always have a choice and everything would be agreed upon tonight, with room to change it if either of them needed to or wanted to change it at a later time. She had been on his mind all fucking day, all week actually. 

She made him feel normal he thought to himself as he combed his hair in the mirror after his shower. He felt relaxed because he jerked off in the shower, but that wasn’t it. He felt normal, and he had never felt normal before.

Daryl had always thought the kink made him abnormal. She relieved his sorrow over who he was. No matter how long this went on he knew she was going to change him, she already had.

He was unsure of what to wear so he just wore jeans and a t-shirt, just like the week before. But he was worried about what he chose, even though she hadn’t told him what to wear. She lived in a small little house down one of the side streets off of the main one the library was on; she had told him she walked to work.

It was a cute cape cod style house white with pink shutters and a pink door.

There was a car in the driveway a vintage 1985 Porsche 911 Targa. He parked his truck behind that car assuming it was hers.

He rang her doorbell at exactly four pm and he could hear music playing from somewhere inside the house. Then she opened the door and to his surprise she also wore jeans and a t-shirt and she was barefoot.

The music was soft and not too loud. It was ‘Wishlist’ by Pearl Jam and he felt calmer just by the soft music. ((( I wish I was the pedal brake that you depended on. I wish I was the verb ‘to trust’ and never let you down.)))

Her hair was down along her shoulders again and he realized that he really liked that, he had only ever seen it up before. He could smell coconuts all around her and he inhaled deeply. She smelled like the beach on a warm summer day. It was a familiar and sensual smell, everything about her brought his senses alive.

She smiled a big smile at him and invited him in.

“You were expecting a leather corset and thigh high boots? Weren’t you? Don’t worry, I have costumes, but we aren’t there yet. And yes I have a whip, any other questions?” She said as she shut the door with a little laugh.

“About a million.” He said honestly looking around her little house and then his face burned and turned red at her words. She just put it all out there with no hesitation, he admired her for that.

He supposed that was the whole point, for him to admire her and belong to her. 

“Come in and sit down.” She led him into the dining room where she had a huge butcher block table. There were candles burning on the table and on the china cabinet in the room. She could tell he was still nervous as he sat down and she sat down next to him. On the table were two small stacks of papers.

One for him and one for her.

“I listen to 90’s grunge almost 24/7 it puts me in a good mood.” She said. “I like to be in a good mood.”

He nodded. “I like Nirvana and all those guys.” He said. “Nice car out there, Stephanie.”

“Oh Connie?” She smiled. “That’s my baby, do you know cars?” She said.

“Yes, it’s what I do. Don’t see many Targas around, she’s a beauty.”

“See Daryl, we’re going to get along fine, so much in common already and we didn’t even get to the good stuff yet.” She grinned at him and watched his shoulders relax. “There isn’t a no kissing rule, you’re allowed to kiss me when I want you to. And I won’t make you lick my boots unless you really want to.”

He laughed, it was a nervous laugh, but a laugh just the same. He appreciated that she was trying to put him at ease. She swiped her hair behind her ear and he saw that she had multiple piercings, she always wore her hair over her ears just enough and he had never noticed before. She had an industrial, a helix, a rook, an outer conch all in her left ear. Nothing in the right except two in her lobes. Her left and right each had two lobe holes with tiny diamonds in them.

“You would have to do a lot of begging for that.” She grinned over at him and he relaxed even more, still looking at her piercings.

He couldn’t help but wonder….

“Yes.” She answered without looking up.

“Yes?” He looked over at her.

“I’m pierced in other places.” She said. “Tattoos too, if you’re lucky you’ll get to see.”

He barely had time to process what she had just said and she reached over and squeezed his hand to keep him focused, and then turned to him. 

“Did you get the blood tests?” She asked as he reached into his back pocket and produced the paper she asked for. She pulled her glasses down off of her head and put them on to read the papers.

He passed it to her across the table and she took out hers dated for two days prior and passed it to him. They both looked at each other’s tests until they were satisfied. Then placed one on each of the stacks of paper.

“Tell me what you found out on the internet.” She said. 

“Mostly, that there’s lots of guys like me.” He said and she nodded. “And women, I thought there was something wrong with me. For a long time.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you Daryl.” She said softly.

“Now I know. There’s a lot out there too online.”

“Yes, that’s right and doesn’t it feel good to know you aren’t such an enigma.” She said reaching for the two stacks of paper.

“Oh, I’m still an enigma, just not in this case.” 

She laughed at this, he was a good conversationalist and she liked his sense of humor. “Are you thirsty Daryl?”

“A little.”

“Ok, there’s iced tea in the fridge, I like it with no ice and a straw.” She rolled her eyes when he raised his eyebrows. “I know, but we all like what we like don’t we? I like straws, and get whatever you want for yourself, glasses are in the cabinet on the left. Ice on the door.”

“Sure Stephanie, be right back.”

She listened to him in the kitchen getting her drink and his, and she smiled because he took ice in his and she heard him opening the bottle of Pepsi she had in there. She wasn’t looking for a mindless slave and she was pleased that he wasn’t behaving that way.

Seven out of ten guys would have gotten themselves iced tea because that was what she was having. He had just enough of a mind of his own.

“There will come a time, Daryl that you’ll know exactly what I want without me having to tell you and likewise I’ll be able to read you as well.”

He didn’t answer her because she had just described what he had longed for all his life, someone to be connected to, someone who knew him. The promise of having that one day almost made him loose his breath.

He came back in the room and sat down at the table with her and placed the drinks on the table. She sipped her iced tea and smiled at him.

“Thank you Daryl.” She looked at him and waited until he sipped his soda. “I’m not looking for a slave; I and I won’t mistreat you. Is that what you’re looking for? It’s ok if you are, I can make some calls for you.””

He shook his head. “No. I’m not looking for that.”

He knew the difference between dominance and being mean. The difference between serving and slavery. There were a lot of articles about that. Some people enjoyed a mistress/slave relationship but that wasn’t his thing or hers.

It was fine for other people but he didn’t need that. At least now he knew what he needed, he had spent all of his twenties moving from one unfulfilled relationship to the next, and always feeling like it was his fault. He had just turned thirty, six months ago and that was when he decided to try and find out what he wanted for real.

Something about turning thirty and feeling empty inside drew him to check out those books a few weeks ago and now here he was.

“Do you know what you want.” Stephanie asked him.

Everything.

“I just know what I don’t want.” 

“Ok, tell me that, then?” She said. “But I want you to remember one thing, when we’re together. I’m your priority.”

“That’s what I want.”

She smiled. “I know.” Then she reached for the papers and slid them over to where they were sitting. “So I just drew up a simple contract and we have to fill in anything that is a definite no for you or me.”

She had said that they would talk about no and what it meant in their arrangement. She reached behind her to the china cabinet and opened a drawer to look for pens.

“Ok so, I don’t have any special room or any of that bullshit, just my little house here, so no surprises hidden anywhere. Is there anything that makes you uncomfortable? What’s a no to you?”

“Just the stuff you said you don’t do, humiliation, cruelty.” 

“Ok, so we both write that down.” She said. “I’m not a sadist Daryl, I don’t get off on hurting people. I get off the usual ways.” He looked over at her. “Let me rephrase that, I get off the usual ways for me, everyone gets off how they get off right? Nobody is a weirdo. As long as everyone of consenting right?”

They each wrote on their own paper.

“I won’t ever be mean to you, no name calling, no punishments. I’m writing that down, I want you to write that down too. And of course I expect the same, we will both be caring and respectful of each other all of the time from four pm on Friday nights until twelve noon on Saturday. Is that good for you?”

“Yes.” He said. “Stephanie, I’ll sign this right now.” She looked over each of the pages. “I don’t have any objection to anything written here, I’m a try anything once type of guy.”

“It’s sexual for you too right?” She asked. “It turns you on. Pushes your buttons?”

He was getting used to her directness, but still, she surprised him with how free she was about talking about sex.

“Yes.”

“Ok, we’ll work up to that, I don’t object, I’m attracted to you.”

He ran his hand through his hair and turned to her. “Can I ask a question?”

“Yes.”

“Do you object to things people want to do.”

“Just like we’re talking now and deciding the boundaries, sometimes they’re stricter.” She said. “That’s all, I don’t have sex with every man I become involved with. Not unless I want to, and sometimes they don’t want it.”

He wanted it.

“It’s not like that for everyone, the way it is for you. Everyone of different but never forget, I’m the boss.” She said looking down at the papers in front of her and he was nodding. “Can you handle teasing, orgasm denial, what if I told you not to masturbate for three days before you came here. Can I tie you up? With Scarves? Handcuffs? Shackles? Can I blindfold you?”

Daryl swallowed hard and answered quickly. “Yes.”

“Do you object to line number six?” she asked. “Read it out loud.”

“I agree that during the times set forth in this contract Lady Stephanie shall have rein over my body in accordance with all previous agreed upon limits. At no time will she use instruments of cruelty upon me, all instruments such as whips are to be used in a pleasurable manner. No hard objects allowed.”

His face was flaming red when he finished reading but he didn’t stutter at least. His dick was wide awake though.

“You understand we may not necessarily go there, but it has to be stated right?” Stephanie said. “That’s up to you. People think the sub has no control when in reality, they have all the control. Does that make sense? We won’t do anything that you don’t agree to.”

He nodded. “I understand.”

“And it’s for my protection too, although.” She raised her eyebrows at him. “Who would believe the local librarian is a kinky bitch right?” She said laughing.

“It’s like a fucking fantasy.” He said and then regretted his words. He was so concerned about offending her. But so far she totally accepted him and he felt free to talk with her.

“You’re right, that’s exactly what it is.” She smiled that smile like the one in the diner when he got her food right and it made him smile. “Does that mean I’m not fooling anyone?”

“You fooled me.” He said. “I never even noticed all the piercings.”

“Good, I’d like to think I’m on my game.” She said. “I try very hard to project a certain image at work, I hide them all, although most are hidden by clothes anyway.”

He couldn’t help looking down at her chest, she had on a padded bra under her shirt but he could swear he could see the outline of barbells.

Holy fucking shit.

He had to physically pull himself back from those thoughts and pay attention to what they were discussing. He knew she held a dual master’s degree in English and Library science both, but he couldn’t deny how shocked and turned on he was by her new persona she was sharing with him.

They went over a few more details about how their time together would be spent, what he should wear and what she would wear. She said he should wear anything that he was comfortable in and that he could leave some cloths at her home as well. She told him not to expect costumes right from the jump, for the first few times she would be wearing jeans and t-shirts.

Stephanie told him he had to always where whatever cologne he was wearing that night, she loved the smell of it. It was Kiel’s musk and he made a mental note not to run out of it. Ever.

It was all written down on both copies exactly and she encouraged him to put his copy in a safe place when he went home in the morning. He needed to keep Merle from finding it was what he needed to do. That would be a fucking disaster.

“Ok.” She signed her copy of the paper and his copy. “Make sure they match, read mine too.”

He read over the papers and signed both copies. The boundaries were set for both of them now, but negotiable at any time.

“We each keep a copy. Ok there’s one more thing. You didn’t bat an eye about staying overnight?”

“Nope.” He answered.

“There’s three bedrooms here, but I want you to sleep in my room.” She watched as his face lit up. “Just sleep, and you need to appreciate what an honor it is.”

“I do.”

“Ok, come with me.” She stood up and he followed her into the living room. She motioned for him to sit down on one of the oversized pillows that were on the floor. They sat down together and she put her legs over his and leaned back on her hands.

“This is for us to get used to each other’s company.”

He nodded and thought about how much he wanted to be in her company.

‘Fade into you.’ By Mazzy Star was on. He leaned back on his hands too.

“Ok, close your eyes and just listen to the music, no touching except our legs. Take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. We’re going to practice relaxing together”

((Fade into you, strange you never knew. Fade into you, I think it’s strange you never knew.))

He nodded and closed his eyes she did too. They sat there through that song and then ‘Glycerine’ by Bush. They played randomly but she couldn’t have picked two more appropriate songs. The only thing that touched was their legs and yet he never felt so content before.

(((Must be your skin, I’m sinking in, must be for real, cause now I can feel.))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading please let me know what you think :)


	3. 3--Blind Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, as usual this is ending up to be way more than I intended, story of my life lol. Also, all the stuff about Stephanie's early life is obviously just my wishful thinking :) Hope you enjoy

Merle knew there was something different about his brother, he just couldn’t figure out exactly what, but he would. He considered the facts as he knew them. For two Fridays in a row he took off early from work and he didn’t come home the last time. Merle figured he had gone out drinking and found someone to bang. If so good for him, his mood had improved ten-fold, so be it as far as Merle was concerned. 

It was about fucking time he got laid, Merle never understood his brother when it came to sex and women. He watched him go from relationship to relationship since he was in high school. But he never stayed with anyone much longer than a few months and he went for long periods without anyone at all. Merle had a steady girlfriend for two years and was planning to propose at Christmas time, but he was a few years older than Daryl. Maybe Daryl was just a late bloomer, Merle didn’t really know.

Merle just really wanted his brother happy.

But Daryl couldn’t find whatever it was he was looking for. Merle figured he went out and got laid when he couldn’t stand himself anymore and that was not any kind of life. 

This was three Friday’s in a row that he left early and Merle was getting curious, especially since apparently Daryl had made a deal with Axel to come in early every day so he could dip out at two o’clock on Fridays from now on. Merle knew he went home and showered every Friday and was out the door before he got home.

The third Friday he stayed out again all night and when he came back in the afternoon that Saturday he had a silver chain link necklace on. Merle was observant and knew something was going on. He’d find out eventually, in the meantime Daryl was smiling like a fuckin fool every day and doing his work at the garage with a smile on his face.

Axel even said something when Daryl showed up with coffee and doughnuts for everyone that following Tuesday. It was a change from his regular piss poor attitude so Merle wasn’t going to make any waves, but he would find out.

Merle had a date with his girl Teagan that night and he was going to ask her what she thought. She was the smartest person he knew, and she knew Daryl pretty well too.

33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Stephanie let him in the third Friday and everything was the same. She had her music playing, she wore the same type of clothes, was still barefoot and led him into the dining room. He noticed for the first time that she had toe rings on her feet and then he realized she also wore rings on her fingers, small delicate ones.

Daryl noticed something different about her every time he saw her.

Tonight was the night they were exchanging necklaces and he hoped she liked what he got for her. It was important to him and when he saw it he knew it was prefect for her.

She reminded him of a hippy in a way with her relaxed attitude and toe rings. But she was in charge when she needed to be, the best of both worlds in his mind.

He looked at the table where there was a small black box on the table. She sat down and he went in the kitchen to get her some iced tea and a Pepsi for himself.

It was already happening, he realized as he brought the drinks out of the kitchen and sat down with her. She rewarded him with the most beautiful smile.

“Thank you.” She said taking a sip from the straw. “You see? You know already.”

How could making another person happy make him so happy? He was still totally dumbfounded about the why of himself, but he didn’t need all the answers, not now. As long as he had total acceptance from one person on this planet, he didn’t need to know the why quite so much anymore.

She slid the box across the table to him and he reached in his pocket for his tissue paper wrapped gift for her. It was pink tissue paper with a pink ribbon, by now he knew she liked that color. Her door and shutters were pink and the walls of her home were a soft mauve color, warm and inviting.

“You first Stephanie.” He said sliding the pink package with a pink ribbon on it to her.

“I like the way you think.” She said opening the tissue paper. He had bought her a silver chain that had a diamond in the middle and each side was attached to it. “Daryl?”

She was clearly surprised by what he chose, it was obviously expensive but she was surprised and delighted and she made sure her face showed just how much. It was important to give approval often, when he made her happy it was essential that she let him know right away.

It was how it worked.

“I aint got nobody else to spend my money on.” He said.

“It’s beautiful, put it on me please.” She lifted her hair and as he stood up he saw she had a tattoo on her lower neck. It was green scripted writing Mcloughlin with shamrocks on either side of it.

“This your last name?”

“Oh, yes.” She smiled. He watched as the little diamonds she wore glittered in her ears. They were so delicate, like she was. That was why he chose the necklace he chose, to match her earrings. “Guess I never told you, that wasn’t on purpose. I just forgot.”

He wasn’t upset, she let him into her house and that was good enough for him.

“It’s ok, I understand, how many tattoos do you have?” He asked and then added. “Is it ok that I asked that?”

He smiled fastening the necklace around her neck, watching it sparkle, it looked just as good as he imagined it would on her. He had spent hours all week imagining how it would look against her skin after he had bought it last Sunday.

“Yes of course, I have Nine, a lot on my back and torso, how about you?” Stephanie answered.

“I have five, two on my back two on my arm and one on my hand.”

“Piercings?”

He shook his head. “My ear got pierced by my brother one night when I was passed out, when I was about sixteen, but I let it close up.”

“I have twelve, eight in my ears, you saw them, and as you know I don’t have Hepatitis C or anything from the tests. People worry about that with ink and piercings, I’m sure you know that. And I know you don’t have it.” She said smiling as he sat back down with her at the table. “All of my piercings and tattoos were all done by my friend Tara, she works at Bayside Ink in Savannah.”

“You go all the way to Savannah…” He said absentmindedly.

His head just kept replaying two words ‘four more’ and ‘eight tattoos he hadn’t seen yet’, he couldn’t help who he was and he knew it was ok with her.

“She’s the best and the only person I trust.” She said.

Four more. He was a dirty fucker and for once wasn’t berating himself for it. Somehow he knew she wouldn’t care, she would accept him.

“Open yours.” She slid the box over and he took the top off of the box. Inside was a simple silver chain, perfect for him. She stood up and walked behind the chair he was sitting in to put it on him.

“Tell her I’ll be waiting, in the usual place.” She said fastening it around his neck, but she realized he didn’t know what she was talking about. “Don’t you know that song?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“It’s called ‘Slave to Love.’ It’s from the eighties, my Mom liked it.” She said. “It’s on my iPod, it may pop up sometime when you’re here. It’s a really good song.”

She sat back down opposite him and rested her chin on her hands with her arms up on her elbows, a very casual pose meant to make him feel at ease. She looked into his eyes and at the necklace around his neck. She was aware that he wasn’t as comfortable with eye contact as she but he gazed back at her without looking away and that was good.

“I like it; it looks good on you.” She said, getting a grin out of him and grinning herself. “Only I can take yours off and only you can take mine off.”

“Ok.” He answered.

“And you know either of us can break the contract, it’s only as binding as we both want it to be, you can get out anytime.” She said.

“And so can you.” He nodded.

“Are you hungry Daryl?” She asked. “What’s your favorite food?”

“Pizza.” He said.

“I like pizza too, we’ll order pizza tonight and talk about trust. Are you hungry now?”

“No, are you?”

She shook her head as they sat opposite each other. He had, by now assumed the same pose as her and their faces were close together. He was struck by the fact that he had never been able to build intimacy with someone before, but with her it was so easy.

Sitting there so close to her and talking made him feel calm, and just a few weeks ago he would have needed many beers to achieve that. When you put all your cards on the table with the right person he guessed this was the reward.

“Do you trust me Daryl?” She asked. “This isn’t about weakness, it’s about trust. There’s a difference.”

He nodded. He trusted her completely and that was something so new for him. She didn’t make him feel weak, quite the opposite actually, he felt stronger than he had in a long time since he became involved with her.

“Ok, take off your shirt.” She said.

He did without hesitation and held it in his lap. She reached over and took his shirt and laid it on the table. Then she stood up and walked to one of the other chairs where a multi colored scarf was tied. He watched her with widening eyes and a skipping heartbeat as she untied it and casually threw it over her shoulder.

He had no clue what she was going to do, tie him up or blindfold him or what, and he had to admit the not knowing was exciting as fuck.

“This is a trust exercise, so that you know you can always trust me.” She said, knowing he was anxious, even if it was a good anxiety. “I’m not going to tie your hands tonight. But keep them out of my way.”

She slid the scarf over his chest slowly as she brought it up to his face.

“You good.” She looked into his eyes and he nodded. “If it’s too much tell me, ok promise.”

“I’m ok.” He replied as she took the scarf and tied it over his eyes. Then he could only hear her and feel her presence. He was acutely aware of her now, more so than before. “I promise.”

“I’m going to touch you, not sexually, but don’t be embarrassed if you become aroused. Its normal and won’t bother me.” She said placing her hands on his shoulders from in front of him. He could smell her, the coconut smell that he always associated her with now was all around him. It’s wasn’t a question if he was going to get aroused, he was already. “I’ll be right back.”

Then she was gone, left the room but he could hear her somewhere in the house. He missed her.

“I’m coming back in the room Daryl.” She said, but he knew already because he smelled the coconuts and he heard her come in and put some things on the table.

He couldn’t remember ever being this excited in his life. Whatever she just put on the table had him intrigued beyond belief. Then he felt something satiny against his neck and the feel of it made goose bumps break out all over his body.

There was lace on the material and he imagined it was her underwear, he was sure of it. He let out the smallest of sighs and imagined that she was smiling at him.

“Open your mouth.” She whispered and he did. “A little more.”

He opened further and felt something sweet on his tongue. A piece of a glazed donut and it tasted so good. He smiled and chewed it and swallowed it, then she had his glass of Pepsi to his lips. He took a sip and listened as she put the glass back down.

His heart jumped in his chest from what they were doing and it felt so good. Better than any of the vanilla things he had ever been involved with, and this was just the first night.

He already had total trust in her and awaited whatever was next with anticipation. The music was soft in his ear and pleasant, she always had music on, and he liked that. ‘Pretty Noose’ by Soundgarden floated from somewhere in the living room.

He felt her fingers brush lightly over his lips and they parted, she held her fingers there and he waited.

She didn’t put anything in his mouth right away she just sat in the chair opposite and looked at him. His face was attractive to her and he was calm. His lips were parted waiting for whatever she was going to do. He trusted her and that made her feel good.

This was good for her too, she was in her element now.

Stephanie considered kissing him while he was blindfolded but it was too soon for her, she followed a map and rarely deviated from it with this. She wasn’t ready for that.

She reached into a jar she had on the table and took out a cherry and placed it against his lips, he knew what it was and bit it off the stem and ate it.

“I promise only sweet things when we do this.” She said softly to him her voice as sweet as honey.

“I love sweet things.” He sighed. “Give me the stem.”

“What?”

He opened his mouth and she finally got what he was telling her and she put it on his tongue. She watched his mouth move around a few seconds and then he opened his mouth. The stem was tied in a knot.

Well fuck me.

“That’s some parlor trick you got there, Dixon, bet you’re popular with the ladies.” She said and now she was excited. Soon she intended to find out exactly how talented he was.

“Until they get to know me.” He replied.

She had to refocus him because she could sense he was thinking about things that she was trying to help him with. He had a grimace on his face and his lips were tight she saw his head drooping down slightly. She knew the wheels were turning in his head.

“Daryl.” She said like the way she had called him in the library that day and his head came back up. His features relaxed at the sound of her voice.

“I’m here.” He said.

“Open.” She said and he did immediately, he felt her finger on his tongue as she swiped chocolate hot fudge sauce along the top of his tongue. He groaned deep in his chest and sucked on her finger, she didn’t stop him and he kept his hands at his sides. But he was trying very hard not to reach for her, he wanted to so badly. “I’ll remember that you like that.”

“Total chocolate addict.” He said as she pulled her finger out then dipped it back in the jar.

He heard her lick it off her own finger and then she dipped it in the jar again. “More?”

“Yes.” He sighed and she gave him another lick. Then he felt her sitting on his lap with one leg on either side of the chair.

“Ok, don’t touch me, just get used to the feeling.” She put her hands on his shoulders. “Just breathe with me. Like last week in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

They sat there breathing until their breathing was in synch. She kept her hands on his shoulders and he kept his at his side although he ached to touch her. They had slept in her bed the week before and he knew he touched her in his sleep and she him.

But when they were awake this was the most they had touched in three encounters. The weight of her on his legs inches away from his dick and the feel of her hands on his shoulders was almost too much. He wasn’t going to let himself tap out this soon though, he knew she was building him up for what was going to happen in the future.

And he wanted what was coming next so badly.

“It’s very Zen isn’t it.” She whispered quietly placing her forehead to his. He still had the scarf tied around his eyes so he could only feel her and smell her. He breathed her in with every inhale and was so relaxed he could have fallen asleep.

A song came on the iPod that brought Stephanie right back to her child hood, suddenly she was seven years old in her mind in a whirlwind of her parents making.

She struggled to keep her own breathing calm and he felt it. He was already in touch with what was going on with her, like she said it would be.

Daryl wanted to touch her right that minute and comfort her but he wasn’t allowed to. He knew it was the song that upset her, she had been right there with him just a moment before.

He was almost about to try and hug her because he sensed she needed it.

Then she got control of it within seconds and she was breathing in synch with him again as if nothing happened.

But her mind was going a mile a minute and her heart rate. This wasn’t about her right now and she had to get a handle on it. She breathed him in, loving the way he smelled, she was better soon even though the song was still on.

She didn’t want to fail him because she couldn’t handle one song.

‘Kids in America’ by Kim Wilde was on. She was suddenly a small child again, with two parents that didn’t know the first thing about raising a child.

Stephanie grew up on the fringes of the eighties rock and roll/punk society, moving from music festival to music festival all over the country. Her parents led a nomad lifestyle in the music world and Stephanie, a young child was caught up in all of it.

Her mother sang background music for a few bands and Stephanie lived on tour busses and in campers. The music of the eighties told her life story, especially this song, that was why she rarely listened to it, preferring the music that came after.

Her father was a roadie for ‘The Pretenders’ and Stephanie’s godmother was Chrissie Hynde, but no one ever believed her when she said that.

It was true though and she got a gift every year at Christmas and on her birthday from her godmother. They talked on the phone from time to time too.

Her parents knew them all, almost every one of the singers of the eighties. They spent a decade immersed in the rock and roll scene.

But it wasn’t a life for a little girl.

The smell of pot was always in the camper they lived in as her parents followed bands like ‘The Ramones’ and “Tesla’ all over the country. Life was one big party for her parents every day and she was dragged around like a rag doll from concert to concert. 

It was a life that some children would have thought was cool and exciting, but it gave her anxiety. She never knew what campground they were going to end up at or how high her parents would be that night. 

It was an alarming life for a young child, who didn’t understand what was going on around her. It was like that for her at least, she knew other kids that just went with the flow but she couldn’t.

She had never been a go with the flow kid and she grew up needing to control her world.

Her parents were roadies and singers for some of the biggest bands of the eighties and Stephanie grew up eating meals with people like Joey Ramone, David Byrne and Michael Stipe. But she was a child who longed for a house and stability.

She had no control over anything until finally at the age of sixteen she asked to go live with her grandmother in Georgia. She wanted to go to school like other kids did and just have a normal life. Her parents had agreed and allowed her to leave.

It was the best thing for her at the time, and she remained in contact with them for years after, but she never went on the road with them ever again.

Life with her parents was chaotic for her and Stephanie was home schooled before it was acceptable. She lived a crazy life with her only friends being the bands and their kids. She knew what a bong was before she knew how to add and probably still knew how to roll a super tight splif.

She was smart enough to know that wasn’t getting her far in life, though and had aspirations of college and beyond.

Once she went to live with her Grandmother her life was less chaotic but her need to control what happened around her had started already. Instead of fearing it, she embraced it.

The first thing was herself, she would never be like her parents had been, she never touched alcohol or drugs, never wanting to be out of control.

She had been taught to embrace everything about herself by her hippy parents and that was the good thing that they had left her with.

Everyone was a beautiful masterpiece and differences were to be embraced and honored. They had been different than mainstream people and they taught her to love everyone and herself most of all.

They were dead and gone now and she was alone in the world except for her few friends, but because of them she knew what she needed and that it wasn’t wrong.

They had loved her as best they could, but they were just children themselves after all, her mother had been sixteen when she was born and they had already been on the road by that time.

They tried and she understood. But she made some hard decisions for herself directly from those days on the road. The decision to never use mind altering substances and to never have children.

Stephanie had her tubes tied when she was eighteen years old after begging the doctor and explaining exactly why she had to have it done.

Still she didn’t like this song though, it was the epitome of the wild life she had with her parents. They were the Kids in America of that generation. 

“Are you ok?” He whispered and she knew that he knew. He had noticed her brief anxiety.

“I’m fine.” She took the blind fold off of his eyes and looked at him, really looked at him. His eyes were such a clear blue and beautiful locked on hers.

She leaned over to him and kissed him on the side of his mouth, soft and gentle.


	4. 4 Slave To Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who took a chance on this very different story.  
> I love you all so much. xoxoxoxoxox

Merle sat on his desk in the office he and Axel shared at one pm, almost everyone had punched out and it was lunchtime. Axel went home to feed his dog and grab some lunch so he wouldn’t be back for a while and Daryl was working through lunch it seemed. 

Merle snickered, maybe his Friday night date was earlier this week.

He was going to figure it out somehow. Daryl came in at seven every day now and sometimes worked through lunch to bounce early on Fridays. A few weeks ago Merle was still dragging him out of bed every morning for work. Now he was coming in early and making everyone else look bad.

What the fuck was worth a total life change like that? Who was worth that?

Merle was fooling around with the radio in the office and waiting for his girl to get there. Teagan was bringing him lunch today, and he couldn’t wait to see her. It was Wednesday, her day off, the week after Daryl had shown up Saturday afternoon wearing that necklace.

The one he never took off. Merle noticed that too.

Merle’s woman worked for a local newspaper and wrote a column every week like the Carrie Bradshaw one on ‘Sex and the City.’ His girl was a great writer and she knew what the fuck she was doing to make him a happy man too. He knew he was a lucky man.

Daryl was out in the garage and Merle could see him wrenching under one of the cars. He was still in an A plus mood and Merle figured that would last because Friday was two days away and he’d be going wherever it was he went.

Wherever he was going it was changing him for the good and Merle just had to know if it was a girl, and if it was, who the hell she was. Because she had worked a miracle in Merle’s eyes.

He considered following him and Teagan talked him right out of that, it wasn’t any of his business she had said. Daryl was a grown man and didn’t need Merle following him all over the place. 

If he was going to the movies alone every Friday and binging on popcorn and soda, or to a bar and picking up women. If he was taking pottery lessons or going somewhere and letting some girl tie him up, whatever he was doing, Teagan said it was none of Merle’s business. And that’s what you got for dating a sex columnist Merle laughed to himself.

He watched his brother working on the car and wondered though, just what was he up to?

Soon he heard the door to the office open and there was his girl. His concern over Daryl was because he himself was so happy and he just wanted the same for his brother. He seemed happier lately, so Merle figured Teagan was right.

It was none of his business.

“Darlin.” He said when he saw her coming through the door, his mouth breaking into a wide grin, just like every time he saw her. He held his arms out to her, awaiting the feel of her against him. He always hugged her tight the first thing when he saw her, like it was the first time he had ever hugged her.

“Hey baby.” She replied and walked right up to where he sat on the desk. She put their food down next to the two sodas he had gotten for them and allowed him to take her into his strong arms.

He kissed her softly, pulling her closer until his hands were on her ass and his tongue was in her mouth. She allowed him to hold her close and deepen the kiss until they were both more than over heated in the small office.

He turned her around and lifted her up trying to put her up on the desk.

“Jesus Merle, people can see.” She said motioning to the window that over looked the garage bays. There was only Daryl and Tyreese out there right at the moment and they were both busy.

Merle gave fuck all about who could see and he pulled her closer inching his hand under her shirt and kissing her again. “Just Daryl and Ty and their both busy sweetheart. Trust me, they know you’re here and not to come near this door.”

“You’re a dirty fucker Merle.” She laughed.

“And that’s why you love me.” He said grinning at her as she kissed him again and whispered ‘I do love you so.’

He dug his hand into her hair and plundered her mouth with his tongue, sliding it against hers in the obscenest manner. Merle kissed just like he fucked, slow and dirty. She was caving in and about to let him put her up on the desk because he was kissing her neck and telling her how much he loved her and then she heard something come on the radio.

“OH, Oh I love this song.” She reached over and turned the radio up, which also went out into the garage bay by speakers on the wall.

“That song is so old baby.” Merle said kissing her neck.

“What? Aren’t you my slave baby?”

“Oh, I am, you know it sugartits.” He held his hands up close together to mimic handcuffs and winked at her.

333333333333333333333333333333333

Daryl laid under the car when he heard the music go up and he knew Teagan was around, she always turned the music up when she came to see Merle. She kept Merle off his back and he was forever grateful that she was in their lives. His brother had made an about face in life thanks to her. 

So if she wanted the music loud, she could have it as far as Daryl was concerned.

The words to the song drifted through the garage and he stopped what he was doing under the car. He had heard these word before, from Stephanie. He put down the wrench he had been holding and listened.

Tell her I’ll be waiting, in the usual place. With the tired and weary, and there’s no escape.

To need a woman, you’ve got to know, how the strong get weak and the rich get poor.

Slave to love, oh, oh, slave to love.

He reached for the necklace and held onto it as he listened to the song.

You’re running with me, don’t touch the ground. We’re the restless hearted, not the chained and bound.

The sky is burning, a sea of flame. Though your world is changing, I will be the same.

Slave to love, I can’t escape, I’m a slave to love.

He lay under the car listening to the words to the entire song unable to move. Ty had left for his lunch break, saying goodbye and Daryl barely responded to him. 

“See you later man.” Ty had said.

“Later.” Daryl barely croaked out.

Tyreese always went to his girl Karen’s for lunch, so there was no one else there as he listened to the song she had told him about.

The words drifted through him as he closed his eyes to picture her face.

He held that necklace as he laid there listening to the song, and he suddenly had to get out from under that car and get some air. Meanwhile Merle was pulling the mini blinds down to block the garage view into his office and locking the door. His phone beeped with a text from Daryl saying he was going to get a burger at the diner.

“Ok baby every one’s gone now hop on up on that desk.” Merle said to Teagan while turning the phone off.

3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Down the street Daryl was walking to the diner and looking on his phone for that song ‘Slave to Love’ to listen to it again. He downloaded ‘Kids in America’ the other day and tried to figure out why that song upset Stephanie so much. He slipped the ear phones into his ears and listened to the song a few times.

He would look up the exact lyrics to it later, because the key was there. He remembered that song from when he was a small child and they were roughly the same age, so he figured this song had something to do with her childhood, maybe another song her mother liked.

It was fast passed and upbeat, but the lyrics were disturbing ‘I search for the beat in this dirty town.’ ‘Bright lights the music gets faster.’ ‘Kind hearts don’t grab any glory.’ ‘You know life is cruel never kind.’

Why would she have this song on her iPod? But he already knew the answer to that. He knew enough about her that she listened to music for all different reasons, she had told him as much.

Stephanie said that music was her touchstone and her greatest comfort, unless it brought back memories for her. But she said sometimes you had to feel that too.

She made it clear the type of music she preferred too and that was telling. Stephanie had said she didn’t like the eighties music very much and preferred grunge.

He walked down the street listening to that song trying to figure her out. She was a happy person and clearly that song had affected her and made her unhappy.

He remembered the change that went through her when it came on. Something similar to what had just happened to him listening to “Slave to Love’. Except what happened to him was a good thing. It made him think of her. He didn’t know what the other song made her think of.

‘Kids in America’ had played that night and then she had kissed him and he was pretty sure she hadn’t intended to. That song got her all mixed up and she had realized it. It was just a quick kiss and then she got off his lap and ordered the pizza.

She held so much back from him it seemed and he hoped that would change.

He remembered, when they first talked and how she told him she needed it as much as he did. She had been so matter of fact about it that first time they had met. Because I need it, just like you do.

We will care about each other, deeply. She had said that too.

He turned right and headed to the diner but he glanced to the left, just like every time he came to that intersection. That was the way to the library and beyond that her house, where he was sure her car sat parked in the driveway. It was a beautiful day and he knew if it was nice out she usually walked to work.

A glimpse of her in between Fridays would make his day, but that never happened.

3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Thursday night Merle and Daryl went to the grocery store, because Teagan was making them dinner at her house if they bought the groceries. Merle was pushing the cart and Daryl was throwing the stuff in from the list Merle was reading from. They had a good tag team thing going on after years of shopping together.

It had been just the two of them for so long after their parents died and now Teagan was with them, with Merle, but she cooked for Daryl sometimes too.

They were in the produce isle getting lettuce for salad and then they were out of there and going home to a masterpiece of a meal.

They had almost found everything she asked for when Merle sensed something was going down and he didn’t know quite what it was. The air was changing around him and there was a nervous energy coming from Daryl. He had stood up from the tomatoes and was looking in the other direction.

Merle turned because Daryl hadn’t answered his question about what kind of pasta did Teagan say she needed and he saw her. There was a girl in a green dress and black lace up Doc Martens walking towards them. She carried a basket with a few groceries in it, vegetables and what not. She wasn’t too tall and very attractive and Merle noted that she must be going home to make one hell of an ice cream Sunday, because she had three jars of hot fudge in her basket. 

Merle looked over and Daryl was watching her approach them with interest, noted.

Then Merle looked at her, she had dark hair that was in a French braid, with little wisps around her face, she wore diamonds in her ears and a necklace that matched. She was lovely, the way that she carried herself was such that you couldn’t look away. Her walk was flowing as if she had not a care in the world and Merle watched as she breezed past his brother and he swore she grinned right at him.

“Hey.” She said to Daryl as she walked by, it was so casual, but with a little quirk to her eye that Merle noticed and he was convinced it wasn’t so casual.

“Hey.” Daryl said to her and Merle noticed his brothers lip twitch and then he smiled at her as she walked by. Merle watched Daryl’s eyes follow her until she was gone around the corner into the next isle.

It was over in seconds but Merle knew he had just seen something that was just out of his understanding.

Daryl watched her walk by and inhaled, coconuts, watching the diamond on the necklace he gave her glittering on her neck.

She wore his necklace and he wore hers.

He was still standing there watching where she had gone thinking about what they might be doing the next night. He was unaware of Merle or anyone else at the moment because he knew what was next for them. He was just about to reach for his necklace when Merle broke him out of his fugue state.

“Who the fuck was that?” Merle said and now he swore he could smell the beach, that girl smelled like coconut suntan oil. It was March and rainy, no reason to wear suntan oil. Merle stared at Daryl and he wondered just what the fuck was going on.

“She works at the library; you know if you ever cared to set foot in one.” Daryl snapped.

Merle looked at his younger brother and knew right away he was full of shit. He had to let it go though, because he had no fucking idea what he just witnessed.

“What the fuck do I need the library for, I’m marrying a walking book.”

“That’s if she says yes.”


	5. 5--Grey Wash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So as usual, this got way off the hook. Let me know what you think :)

Stephanie had told him it wasn’t going to be Halloween at her house the next night they were together because sometimes it was too much. Too much psychologically and emotionally, he got that and frankly he didn’t care what the fuck she wore. She could wear a garbage bag and he would still be incredibly turned on by her. But he had to be honest a costume would be nice.

But he completely trusted her, more than anyone else in his life before.

Men were visual, that was a fact and he was getting a physical, audio and visual experience right now in spades. Thank Christ he had gone to the library.

She had secured him to her bed with handcuffs and there was some loud ass rock and roll music playing in the living room. Not her usual genre either, he knew this stuff because Merle listened to it. It was Megadeth, Metallica, Motorhead or something, one of those M bands it sounded like ‘Symphony of Destruction’ but he couldn’t be sure. It wasn’t his genre either but Truthfully he could give a rat’s ass.

Because she had put two jars of that hot fudge on the nightstand. The room wasn’t bright, but it wasn’t dark either, she had candles all around the room and it just made her skin glow as he looked at her. And he couldn’t look away.

Daryl watched her as she came towards him and this time she was wearing a tight black and red dress that was obscenely short and tiny matching lace underwear. She must have put on some kind of glitter lotion because her skin sparkled in the light.

He couldn’t look away from her even if he wanted to, she was beautiful and her hair was flowing over her shoulders like waves. He knew it would smell like coconuts the way it usually did and he longed to touch it.

((((((( Just like the pied piper lead rats to the sea, we dance like marionettes, swaying to the Symphony of Destruction.)))))))

He had never seen anything or anyone so sexy in his entire life.

Stephanie stood at the side of the bed and looked down at him. His hands were over his head and his feet were in some kind of shackles on the sides but he could still move them.

She climbed on top of him and ground herself down on his dick right from the jump. She wasn’t messing around and he could feel her even through his boxers. She was hot as fire and burning him with every touch of her hands and her body. He could only lay there as she leaned over and kissed him.

“Are you ready.” She said in between kisses and he nodded as she sat back up, making sure she moved her hips against him, she was such a fucking tease.

He nodded vigorously and she sat up more, moving her hips against him again, he was ready alright. He had been ready all his life and she knew that. She moved around a little more adjusting her thighs against his waist and smiled down at him. He watched as she reached for the hot fudge on the table next to them and opened it.

Stephanie was doing everything so achingly slow and he moved his legs trying to get more friction because he needed it. Then she moved completely off of his lap and he sighed in frustration. He shook his hands and the sound of the handcuffs clanging against the brass of her head board was pulling him over the edge fast.

He watched as she dipped her finger into the jar and then stuck her finger in her mouth, pulling it out slowly and looking at him.

“Want some.” She said grinning at him and sticking her finger back in the jar.

Daryl nodded trying to raise his head up closer as she held her finger just out of his reach and let it drop down into his mouth. It was warm and sweet on his tongue, but he wanted to kiss her again. 

She was grinning down at him and he could see her one dimple on her face and her hair all around her face.

(((((A waring in the heavens, a peaceful man stands tall.))))

He watched as she dipped her finger back in the jar and swiped her finger over his lips. He tried to catch her finger between his lips but she was too fast. She shook her head and then leaned down and kissed him. The taste of chocolate on her lips just made her more delicious, he slid his tongue into her mouth because it was all he could do. 

He couldn’t reach to touch her or get his legs around her. He was so hard he was going to explode any second, then he felt the warmth as she dripped it on his neck and immediately licked it off. He was sure he was going to die from this and he didn’t care.

Between all the things she was doing and the music it was almost too much. She scooted back until she was straddled across his dick again. Oh, she was so wet, he could feel it. Come on baby ride it.

Stephanie drizzled more chocolate over his neck and chest, she held her his hips between her thighs and leaned over. He felt her slide over his dick, still constrained by his boxers, to lean down close to him. Her eyes sparkled dark green in the light of the room as he watched her lick the chocolate off of his neck. He pulled at the hand cuffs and shackles bucking his hips moaning out loud in the sweetest pain of his life.

Then she did the unthinkable, she poured a line of the sticky chocolate from his chest down to his dick. Daryl watched helplessly as she made her way down the line, slow as the cooling chocolate on his skin. Her mouth was hot and wet, but it seemed like she would never get to where he wanted her to be.

3333333333333333333

Daryl sat up in bed with a start totally unaware of where he was. All he knew was he was sweating, out of breath and his dick was hard. A horrible combination in his opinion.

What the ever loving fuck? 

Finally, when he heard the ceiling fan above him he realized he was in his bed. The window was open, but it was still hot as fuck even with the fan. He struggled to get his breathing under control as he looked around the room. The clock said three am, too early to get up for work.

It had been a fucking dream. And now he woke up with his dick hard as stone.

He flopped backwards onto his pillow with a curse on his lips.

She said not to and now he was never going to be able to fall asleep.

“Good things come to those who wait, my ass Stephanie.” He whispered in the dark.

333333333333333333333333333333333333333

The weather was getting warmer and the next day when Daryl went to her house she was wearing shorts and a tank top. He noticed when he pulled up that she was sitting on the steps of her house with her phone. That was new, usually she was inside, he was secretly thrilled that maybe she had missed him and was sitting there waiting for him. But he knew that it was a nice day out after a week of rain and that was more likely the reason she was outside.

Still, a man could dream and his dreams had gotten him exactly what he wanted finally. Never mind that fucking dream he had about her and the hot fudge last night.

Seeing her in the grocery store last night almost undid him and brought on the dream he figured.

He walked up her sidewalk and stood in front of her, his eyes were drawn to a tattoo on her leg. It was around her ankle in a ring and it said ‘Nothing gold can stay’ in cursive writing. He happened to know that quote very well.

It was Robert Frost and the poem it was from was heartbreaking. He had read it senior year in high school. But anyone who saw the movie ‘The Outsiders’ would also know that poem. He knew it from school though.

He was a reader and it had changed his life.

He sat down next to her and she handed him an earbud. He put it in his ear and she was listening to another eighties band, The Outfield. She knew them, personally, her mother’s voice was in this song, she sang with them for years. Stephanie was at the recording of this song as a little girl.

(((((I aint got many friends left to talk to, no one’s around when I’m in trouble.

You know I’d do anything for you, stay the night, keep it undercover.

I just wanna use your love tonight, whoa, I don’t wanna lose your love tonight.))))

Daryl took his cigarettes out and motioned to her if she minded and she shook her head. He lit a cigarette and exhaled as they listened to the song. He looked over at her and she looked sad. He didn’t like seeing her that way. Her smile and laughter was like a drug to him and he needed a fix.

He sat there smoking and listening with her, happy to be in her company and hoping she felt the same. She reached for his cigarette and he handed it to her. She took a drag and blew it out the side of her mouth. 

That was the first time he had seen her smoke, had smoked in her company before but she never did. He was surprised by this.

When it was over she turned off the iPod and they took out the earbuds. Daryl considered asking her about this song and the other one, ‘Kids in America’, or the smoking, but he thought better of it. She wasn’t really that open with him and he didn’t want to push her.

He didn’t want her to think he was getting transference. That was always in the back of his mind, fucking around was fine, bonding was fine, but nothing more. She made that crystal clear.

“Nice ink, The Outsiders.” He nodded towards her ankle, best to stay on a safe topic.

“It’s true.” She said and he nodded in agreement. “Right? Everything ends.”

So much for safe topics.

Stephanie was in a dark mood, and he wanted to change that, do something for her for a change. But what?

Then he noticed her other foot that had a gothic cross on the top and rosary beads around that ankle. They were all grey wash tattoos and beautiful. 

“That’s gorgeous.” He said pointing to her foot. “The foot and the tattoo.” He grinned at her. “I like the grey wash, mine are all grey wash too.” 

“Thank you Daryl.” She always used his first name in conversation when addressing him. He loved that and he didn’t know that it she did it for his benefit, to make him feel acknowledged and approved of. “You’re very sweet.” She replied.

“You aint your self today. Stephanie” He said her name because it felt good on his lips, there was no complex psychological thing about that. He loved the sound of it and he said her name often.

She stood up and so did he and she gave him a little smile.

“I’m ok.”

“You said we would care about each other and I care about you. You aint ok, what’s wrong?” He said. “Do you want me to go?”

“No, No. Let’s go inside.” She opened the door and they went inside, the music was on the stereo already, Pearl Jam, definitely not eighties. Actually, they were her favorite band ever.

Stephanie needed to get out of this funk, maybe if she opened up to him a little? Maybe just a little would be ok. It wouldn’t break the boundaries, not that much anyway. 

“It’s my mother’s birthday today, I had forgotten. She’s been gone so long.” She sighed.

He decided fuck it, he was going to offer her comfort and if she kicked him out, she kicked him out. He couldn’t stand seeing her sad. It hurt him inside.

“Can I hug you?” He asked quietly and she smiled at him.

“You did ask nice.” She said and let him hug her. His arms were strong and his chest was hard against her. She placed her cheek against him and just let him hug her, Daryl rubbed his hand along her back and it felt so good to her. 

“It’s ok if ya miss your Mom.” He said. “You’re human aint ya?”

She inhaled and he smelled like he always did and it was so calming, she could feel her heart rate slowing and her breathing becoming regular. His body against her felt warm and good, he felt warm and good.

“Daryl.” She grinned up at him. “You may have noticed, I’m a top, I don’t show weakness.”

“You said it’s not about weakness.” He said. “It’s about trust.”

“Stop throwing my words at me or I’m going to tie you up.” She smiled up at him.

“Promises, promises.” He said walking into the kitchen to get her iced tea.


	6. 6- There Aint No Rest for the Wicked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving this along :)  
> I hope you enjoy. :)

Stephanie insisted that they eat first thing that night and ordered and extra cheese, extra sauce, pepperoni pizza from the local pizza place named Lenny’s. Almost everybody in town ordered from this place, they were the best. Even a burnt pizza from them was better than a mediocre one from someplace else.

Good pizza was a necessity in life, Daryl and Stephanie agreed on that. They agreed about a lot of things.

(((((((And if you pay the right price, you’re evening will be nice and then you can go and send me on my way.)))))))

Glenn heard the usual music coming from her door as he walked up the side walk. She had on ‘There Aint No Rest for the Wicked’ by Cage the Elephant. Stephanie liked great music and he never heard anything bad playing in the background of his deliveries to her.

She always had music on though, every time.

He noticed a truck behind her Targa, sometimes she had company when he delivered to her and sometimes not, but Glenn had never seen anyone but her.

((((((Well there aint no rest for the wicked and money don’t grow on trees. I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed, there aint nothing in this world for free))))))).

Daryl walked to the door barefoot and without his shirt on, because by now that was their routine. She said he had a great chest and shoulder span and shouldn’t cover that up. He thought she was a nut, but he did what she wanted. He always did what she wanted, that was the whole point of this.

Stephanie was in the kitchen and he called out to her “I got it.”

He got to the door and opened it to Glenn Rhee who he knew from school, back in the day. He hadn’t seen him in ages, usually they ran into each other around town but Daryl hadn’t been out much in the last year or so. He had been laying low after Kelly dumped him and just didn’t feel like doing much at all. It was another doomed relationship, another failure because of him.

His life consisted of work and going home, and that was it. Merle had been getting worried, but Daryl hadn’t known that. He knew he was getting depressed though and that’s what made him go to the library and look for books other than Stephen King.

Glenn still looked the same, he hadn’t aged at all, even though he stopped wearing his baseball caps years ago.

“Daryl?” He said, surprised to see him at Stephanie Mcloughlin’s house, Glenn knew her from the library and from delivering pizza to her. He hadn’t seen Daryl in ages, he saw Merle from time to time, more so than Daryl. Merle and his girlfriend came in sometimes for food at Lenny’s. But Daryl had been MIA for a while now.

He hadn’t seen Daryl in at least a year.

“Hey man, how ya been?” Daryl said. “Didn’t know you quit the IT stuff you were doing.”

“Didn’t quit Daryl, Maggie’s pregnant again, I needed a second job.” He said with a huge grin. Glenn had married his high school sweetheart and they had three children with another on the way. He was the happiest guy that Daryl knew probably, except maybe Merle. 

Glenn and Maggie had the American dream they were happier than most people in the town they all lived in. Merle was well on his way to happily ever after too.

Merle said you had to go out and find what you were looking for in life. That’s how he found Teagan, and in reality he had followed Merle’s directions. He had gone looking for what he wanted too.

You can’t help what you want, what makes you tick, like Steph said.

He found it in the most unlikely of places with the most unlikely person, not that she wasn’t his type, because she was. She was exactly his type, with her dark hair and light eyes. She was smart and articulate and could carry on a conversation with him about anything. He just never thought he would find the other things in a woman that he liked.

Life was strange sometimes, so strange.

It was nice to see his old friend and Daryl handed him forty dollars for a fifteen-dollar pizza, the poor bastard needed the money with all those kids. 

“Thanks man, tell Stephanie, I said hi.” Glenn said.

“Sure thing.” Daryl said taking the pizza from him, closing the door and he brought the pizza into Stephanie’s kitchen.

Daryl sat down with her and she was already putting plates on the table and napkins. There was a bottle of Pepsi on the table and her iced tea already there and cups for them.

“Was that Glenn?” She asked and he nodded.

“He says hi.” Daryl said.

“I like him a lot, he’s a hard worker.”

“Always was, I know him from school, back in the day.” Daryl said putting the pizza down and they both sat down to dig in to their favorite food. “He’s gotta work hard with all those kids.”

He looked up and Stephanie was looking at him, she smiled at him, her dark mood was leaving her now. She was getting into their Friday night mood now.

“I bet you were something else when you were younger.” She said. “Tell me about yourself as a young guy.”

“Nothing to tell, just some redneck asshole.” He replied.

“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t think so. You were something, someone.”

“Yeah, I was something alright, a fucking pot head because I couldn’t stand myself.” He looked down and his hair hung in his face. “I hated myself for the things I wanted.” He said and then realized she had opened the door to what he was wondering about her. He could ask her about herself, but she wasn’t talking about herself and he wasn’t going to ask too many questions.

Stephanie’s face was soft and her features conveying the empathy she felt for him as he spoke. She knew how it felt to be an outsider and to be all alone. It wasn’t pity, it was identification.

“Head up Daryl, look at me.” She said.

He met her eyes and again found total acceptance there, something he had never felt from another person before and it was like a drug to him.

“You never have to feel that way, not anymore.” She said. “I’m so sorry you ever felt that way, even for a minute.”

She reached for his hand and touched his knuckles, rubbing softly. He looked at her through his bangs that always seemed to be in his face.

“You don’t have to put your head down.” She said remaining in eye contact with him. She knew he didn’t like it, but it was important for them to do it. “Or hide yourself.”

“How about you? What were you like?” He said because he didn’t want to think about his past anymore, that was over. It was better to keep that chapter of this book closed, and he wanted to know about her. Surely she wouldn’t mind one question. Wasn’t he allowed to know what made her tick?

“I was just like I am now.” She said taking a bite of pizza and a sip of her iced tea. “Focused and controlling.”

That didn’t answer his question at all but he supposed he wasn’t getting an answer.

“Bossy.” He replied. “You’re just telling me you were bossy.”

“Sure.” She grinned. “That’s very true.”

“I already know that you’re bossy, tell me something I don’t know about you.” He said.

“My favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird.”

“Thought it was Shawshank?”

“Favorite short story.” She answered.

“Favorite band?” He asked and he noticed something flash in her eyes, but then it was gone. He recognized it, and he knew it well, it was despair.

“Pearl Jam, yours?” She answered.

“Soundgarden and Nirvana.” He said. “It’s a tie.”

She smiled and looked down at her pizza.

“You can talk to me about it, if you ever want to. Whatever it is.” He said. “Just cause we have to ignore each other in public don’t mean I don’t care about you.”

“What?” She laughed. “I said hey, I didn’t ignore you.”

“I know.” He looked down then remembered what she just said and looked back up at her. “Was just kidding.”

“Daryl. “She smiled at him. “I care about you too, but It’s better that way. Was that your brother you were with?”

“Yeah, Merle.”

“You look alike, same eyes.” She said. “Same hair I’m sure if his was as long as yours.”

“We aint alike at all.” He said. “He’s…different than me.”

“That’s good, because he looked like a rough guy.” She grinned. “Not really my thing.”

He laughed at that, her mood was definitely better and he was glad, not just for himself, but for her too.

“Long hair is better for pulling too.” She reached over and tugged on his hair softly. “No objections?”

He shook his head.

“Ok, I’ll remember that for later.”

“I’m serious, anytime you want to talk.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.” She didn’t want to hurt his feelings by saying this wasn’t what she did. She didn’t open up to the men she got involved with like this and she had told him a lot already. It didn’t exactly feel uncomfortable but it didn’t exactly feel good either. “But I’d rather talk about you.” She said. “Look over at the pantry door.” 

She motioned for him to look at the old wooded door and he did. It looked like a door to him and he looked back at her with a confused expression.

“You don’t see it do you?” She asked.

He shook his head. It was a pantry door.

“Look at the door handles.” There were two on opposite sides, loops not knobs, it was subtle but he got it.

“You get it now?” She asked laughing and he nodded. “Are you ready for that? It’s just going to be your hands.”

He nodded, suddenly not wanting anymore pizza and wanting to do it right that minute. She noticed the look on his face, because she noticed everything of course. That was her responsibility to him.

Daryl looked at her like he wanted to eat her for dinner. She didn’t know he had been dreaming of her and she could tell by the way he was looking at her, that he was three steps ahead of her already.

She knew she needed to slow him down, there was more to talk about.

“Ok, so that’s why we needed to eat first, its intense.” She said. “And I want to explain some things so you know what to expect, ok?”

“Sure.” He answered but his mind and heart was already over by that door, he struggled to listen to what she was saying though, because he knew it was important.

“So, there’s no windows over there, so we don’t have to worry about the neighbors. They’re an old couple and they love me. I’m the perfect neighbor, a quiet librarian.” She laughed and he did too. “I make them fudge at Christmas time.”

Was it just a few weeks ago he was talking about the book ‘Duma Key’ and ‘Salem’s lot’ with her at the library and now she was explaining how she was going to tie him up.

“It’s only your hands because it’s a lot to handle at one time.” She said sipping her iced tea through the straw he had gotten her. “Being able to move your feet will make you more comfortable psychologically I think, but I still won’t ever leave you alone tied up. I think that’s cruel, I’ll always untie one hand no matter what or where we are if I have to leave the room.”

He nodded trying to grasp all that she was saying and she was right, it was intense already. Nothing even happened yet and it was so powerful in his mind. He was already so wound up he was afraid he was going to hyperventilate.

Plus, he never thought she’d tie him standing up. Whatever, in for a penny in for a pound, like Merle always said.

“Any questions yet?” She asked.

He shook his head. “I can’t think of any.” He wanted it, no matter how nervous he might be, or how different than he thought it would be. He trusted her.

“Yeah, I figured so I thought of some.” She smiled that quirky half grin she had. “You won’t be able to touch me till after, and I promise I’ll let you. But that won’t be until I’m done.” Stephanie explained.

He just looked at her unable to stop all the thoughts moving around in his head. It was a vast wind tunnel at the moment, swirling with gratitude and something else he never felt before.

“But that won’t be long at all, not the first time. And it will just be, for lack of a better word? My body touching you, my hands, my lips.” She said.

He gulped and stared at her lips. She hadn’t really touched him that much yet and not with her lips. Except for the one little kiss. Sweet merciful God. It really was going to happen, after thinking he could never have what he truly desired all his life. 

It was mind boggling.

“Have you ever been tied up before?” She asked.

“No.”

“Hands held down during sex? Anything like that?”

He shook his head. How could he have ever asked for that?

“Ok, remember what I said about patience? How you would have to learn it. I wasn’t kidding, but it’s worth it.” She said. “We’ll try it a little bit tonight, when was the last time you jerked off?”

He almost choked on his pizza and she started laughing. 

“I’m asking for a reason.” She said still laughing.

“Wednesday morning, I remembered what you said.” He said tossing his crust into the box. Someday he would get used to how frank she was about sex and desires. “And it sucked by the way, after last night.”

“What about last night?”

He hesitated and then decided just to tell her. “I had a dream about you in some kind of jacked up Harley Quinn costume and then, you know, I couldn’t fall back asleep. I might have cursed you out. A lot.”

She laughed again. “I’m glad you listened to me, you’ll be cursing me out soon enough, but you’ll like it.”

He rolled his eyes, she was probably right, but one thing he knew was that he wanted to listen to her and that was much more important to him. He might have cursed her but not doing what she told him never occurred to him.

“What’s the hot fudge for?” He asked. “From the store last night.”

“Oh, that’s for ice cream.” She said casually.

“Are you kidding me?” He asked her. “Three jars worth? “

She nodded. “Afraid so?” And now she was laughing. “You thought...”

“Well, yeah and then I couldn’t jerk off?” He snorted. “All because you wanted ice cream?” 

“That’s right.” She tried to suppress a grin, without much luck. “But you know why right?” She said.

“Think so.” He said and his face was burning from his neck all the way to his ears. “You’re gonna try and blow my head off.” He said.

She laughed that glorious laugh that he loved and had been waiting for all night long.

“Something like that, it makes it stronger if it’s been a while, right? I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know about your own body.”

“Nope.” He said sipping his soda. “I’m well acquainted with my dick.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Well, but the question is.” She said. “Are you ready for me to get acquainted with your dick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think :)


	7. 7-Do your worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time it isn't a dream.

Jesus she was something else. 

The things she said to him made his blood boil. He had never had a discussion like this ever and it wasn’t the first time with her. They talked constantly on Fridays when he was with her about all manner of things including sex. She was so open about that, but not so much about herself. 

He knew her favorite books and poets and she knew his, but it wasn’t enough, he wanted to know more about her. They ate pizza every Friday and talked about every other thing though.

Daryl felt like slowly he was changing that and getting her to open up to him, it was kind of his mission now. She helped him and he wanted to know her more and more.

Still he did feel like she was his friend. His really sexy, dirty, hot friend and that kind of friend was his favorite kind. That kind of friend could he a guy’s best friend, he thought sometimes.

Friendship was a good thing considering what they were about to do.

“I’ll be watching you and making sure you’re ok the whole time.” Stephanie said. “But you have to tell me if it’s too much. Then its stops right away.”

He had no doubt about that. “I’m not worried.” He trusted her without exception. “I want this, I asked you for this.”

“I know that Daryl.” She said. “I’m just making sure we talk it all out first, and I have a few more questions for you, Ok?”

“Ok.” 

“Remember last week, you didn’t come or anything last time we were together, but it was still thrilling right? Satisfying?” Stephanie asked. “That’s important.”

He nodded, everything they did thrilled him beyond belief. That blindfold was the hottest thing he had ever done in his life with anyone. Just thinking about it made his heart speed up all over again.

Stephanie was the answer to his dirtiest prayers.

“So, it’s possible for you to be satisfied without an orgasm.” She said.

“Yeah, I guess so, but personally.” He grinned that lopsided grin he got sometimes when he was silly with her. “I prefer it.”

“Oh, but you aren’t in charge, remember?” She said. “That’s up to me.”

He held his hands up like they were handcuffed alongside his face and winked at her. His blue eyes sparkled at her green ones and he raised his eyebrows.

“That is what I’m here for right.” He said, but that was bullshit, he was there for more than that now.

“I’m going to make you wait.” Stephanie said.

“I know, I agreed to that.”

“What if you don’t like it?” 

He grinned as he ate his pizza. “Oh, I’ll like it.”

“Pick a word that will let me know you’ve had enough.”

“What about stop or no.” He said.

She took a sip of her drink.

“You’ll say that anyway and not mean it.”

He contemplated her words, he never said things he didn’t mean, and he had never been vocal in bed. It was always a means to a very unsatisfying end like he had told her that first night. It was an empty act to him without any connection at all, just to get off. 

He wanted a connection with someone so badly, all his life. He felt a connection to her already and she satisfied him and the all of the longing within him.

Daryl hoped he satisfied her longing, she said he did and he knew that was what she meant when she said they would form a bond and care about each other deeply. He felt it and he could feel that it was the same for her. On some level anyway.

They spent a lot of time just looking at each other, at her insistence. Almost to the point that eye contact didn’t make him so uneasy anymore, and it had only been three weeks.

She hadn’t been wrong about any of it so far and she had been specific about them caring about each other, she said there was no way to be so intimate with another person and not care.

He believed her.

Still, being that out of control that he didn’t have power over what he said was terrifying in the best way. That would be something, but he didn’t think it would get like that.

Stephanie had done this before though, he knew, if she thought he needed a safe word that he figured she was right.

“I don’t talk in bed.”

“Yet.” She said.

She was a smartass and he was going to be one right back, he knew himself and he didn’t anticipate needing any safe word or even saying anything at all, it just wasn’t him.

Plus, he wondered how something he had wanted, needed all his life could be too much. He picked up his glass of soda.

“Pepsi.” He laughed tipping the glass towards her. “If I say Pepsi then stop for real.”

She grinned. “Ok. Are you sure you have no questions?”

“I can’t think of any.”

“Do you remember all of what we talked about, no objections still?” She asked. “Now it’s going to get dirty maybe, is it ok for me to touch you?”

“Do your worst.”

3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Daryl leaned up against the door and watched every move she made with awe. She almost made a ceremony of it and she was slow so he could see everything she did. That was on purpose to make him comfortable. People thought that this kind of relationship was all about the person in control, but that wasn’t true. It was a common misconception. It was all about the person giving up control and about trust.

It made her feel good to do this for him, because he wanted her to, and it made her feel secure to be in control. She gave him what he needed and he gave her what she needed. It was a perfect give and take. That’s why she didn’t charge for her services. 

There was music coming from the living room on the other side of the dining room and it was soft but he could still hear it. She had put the iPod on shuffle, it was ‘Soul to Squeeze’ by Red Hot Chili Peppers. Not Megadeth. 

She was still dressed in her shorts and tank top and he was in his jeans. Not so much like his dream, at all. No sexy outfits, no hot fudge, but this was so sensual.

Stephanie had gotten two long black scarves out of the drawer in the dining room and brought them into the kitchen, but nothing else. She stood in front of him and made eye contact as she slipped one scarf through one of the handles.

He watched with his hair half in his eyes as she took one of his hands and brought it to her lips, kissing the inside of his wrist. That kiss lit a fire in his blood that ran from his wrist and all through his body as she brought his hand up and secured it to the handle with the scarf up above his head. He couldn’t move it but he wasn’t uncomfortable.

He was already breathing heavily and she was right, it was intense and they hadn’t even done anything yet. He looked at her with fire in his eyes and the heat of his gaze was making her skin burn.

She repeated the process with his other hand but held it after kissing his wrist. She looked up at him, her eyes soft and caring, he nodded once.

“Do it.” He said breathless and she brought his other wrist up and tied it.

Then she leaned her forehead against his. “Breathe.” She said. “Breathe with me for a while.”

They stood forehead to forehead breathing together through that entire song. She had been trying to calm him down and it worked, his breathing was in synch with hers again.

“We’re going to go really slow, ok?”

‘I Got a Girl’ by Tripping Daisy came on and she looked up at him and he nodded.

“I’m going to touch you, just your chest.” She said and ran her hands over his chest and up to his neck so gently. He hissed at her touch and the feel of her hands upon him made his dick twitch already. She had some kind of massage oil on her hands, that she took out of her back pocket. It was Lemongrass scent and the smell, mixed with Coconut was all through his senses.

She rubbed along his chest and over his shoulders for a few minutes and he breathed the scent in and listened to the music. Everywhere she touched lit him on fire and he totally gave himself over to her.

(((( (I got a girl, she smells so sweetly.)))))

He was taller than her but not by much if she had shoes on, but they were both barefoot. She got on her tiptoes and held his face in her hands making sure to keep eye contact and make sure he was still there with her.

Then she kissed him and his wrists moved against the restraints, but he kissed her back once he got used to it. He groaned when she kissed him, and tried to touch her, then his brain caught up with his body and he knew what was happening. 

His dick was hard as a rock already.

“Oh my God.” He breathed out as she took her lips away from his and he wasn’t ready to stop kissing her. He needed her back, it wasn’t enough.

Stephanie kissed him again sliding her tongue into his mouth just long enough to make him miss it again when she stopped.

“No.” He whispered trying to chase her lips with his. She was right, she said he would say no. “No.”

“Shhhh.” She brought her finger up to her lips and kissed down his neck, her mouth hot and wet. “You don’t talk remember.” She giggled.

She stopped and sucked on his neck and collar bone and he growled low in his chest. It felt incredible and instinctively moved his hands again. Then he felt her hands along his ribs, then her lips and everywhere she touched was making him crazy. Crazier than he had ever been before with anyone before her. 

(((( I got a girl, she’ll knock down any wall.))))

Her lips were working their way down his chest, then he felt her tongue on his nipple. She slid it over him until he was bucking his hips and groaning soft at first and then louder. Then she sighed hot air across where she was licking and he twisted his chest trying to move.

“Holy shit, Steph.” He said. “Fuck me.”

She lifted her face and looked up at him with a smirk. “Talk your head off Daryl.”

She reached his neck and bit lightly he felt chills going through his body from how good it felt. Nothing ever felt this way before. His senses were on high alert and all the hairs on his body was standing on end.

“Goddammittt…” He moaned as she bit softly against his neck. This wasn’t like his dream at all, it was so much better.

He wanted to touch her, but it didn’t override the feeling he was having inside of him that he was right where he belonged and wanted to be.

Daryl realized that she had just started and already he felt like he was going over the edge. Stephanie brought her hands down to the waist of his pants and her lips still moved against his neck. She brought her hands down over his ass and pressed herself against him.

She fit perfectly against him and his blood was thundering in his ears, spreading through his whole body and making him warm. His skin was on fire everywhere she touched him and he longed for so much more.

“Oh.” She sighed into his ear. “That’s good.” She slid her hands into his back pockets and pulled him closer grinding herself against him.

“Don’t.” He sighed back totally unaware that he was even talking. “Don’t stop.”

This wasn’t the way he imagined it, and he was lost in it, completely adrift. 

He bucked his hips into her and tried to get to her lips with his and he couldn’t reach. He sighed in frustration, but it all felt so good. This felt like something he had never experienced in his entire life complete mind numbing bliss.

Stephanie stopped and reached up and kissed him again.

She wasn’t going to play denial games with him tonight, and that wasn’t her style anyway. She would only ever do that to make it better for him. She was serving him, just as much as he was serving her.

Daryl was starting to break out in a sweat and she watched as it dripped over his forehead and down his neck and chest as she pulled away from his lips again. His hair was wet and plastered against his face. She stopped and looked at him green eyes to blue, checking on him again, he knew.

Then Stephanie brought her hand around the front of his jeans and his eyes rolled back into his eye sockets. 

“Ahhh, Stephanie.” He sighed out. “Baby.”

Between her actions and the by now, familiar smell of her he was on total sensory over load. He would forever associate the smell of coconuts and lemongrass with the greatest pleasure in his life.

Her hand was firm against him, but not painful, the only pain was his aching dick.

Then she was whispering in his ear. “I want that.”

“Untie me, then.” He gasped out.

“Say it.” She kissed down his neck and over his chest while her hands unbuckled his pants and he shook his head. She grinned wickedly at him and pulled his belt out from around his pants. His pants hung loose on his hips now.

Now he got why she made him pick a word, he really didn’t want her to untie him, but he had already asked her to and said no. He saw how that could get really confusing and something like this couldn’t ever be ambiguous. That was dangerous and he understood why she insisted that they communicate with each other so much. 

It had been probably five minutes and he had done just what she predicted.

“Stephanie, kiss me.” He panted. 

She brought her hand back over his jeans and then his breathing sped up she watched the rise and fall of his chest and looked at his hands. He was struggling but not trying to get free. He was ok.

“I wanna touch you.” He groaned and she brought the belt across the front his pants again nice and slow. He bucked his hips against her and his dick was straining against the material now. “Please.”

Stephanie dropped the belt on the floor next to her, brought her hands back up around his neck and kissed him again, lifting one leg and wrapping it around his legs and now she was right against him. His back was against the door and it was creaking from both their weight, he leaned his head back, trying to catch his breath.

It was coming out in puffs and groans with everything she was doing. Which wasn’t anything different than anyone else at one time or another, except for one thing.

And that one thing was…everything.

“Please, please, I gotta touch you.” He pleaded.

She reached her hand up to one of his and squeezed it. She looked into his eyes.

“I wanna touch you too, Daryl.” She breathed out, holding his hand.

He could feel her against him, even though he couldn’t touch her the heat from her body was making him sweat more now. She rubbed against him in just the right way and it made his dick ache even more than it was. The friction was unbelievable even with his jeans on and every time she moved away from him he felt like he was going to explode.

His dick was throbbing, as he shifted his wrists around, she was torturing him in the sweetest way possible. Her mouth was so warm and so wet on his skin and he was in a fever now. He felt her hands moving lower on his chest and then they were on his stomach and he sucked his breath in.

Daryl was a split second from losing his shit completely.

Then he felt her unzipping his pants and then her hand was on his dick over his boxers. It was heaven and it was hell and he wanted more.

“Too much?” She asked. “Just say the word.”

“No.”

She moved her hand over him more, with a delighted look on her face that he didn’t miss. 

“Oh, my god.” He breathed out and struggled against the scarves, it was coming at him in a rush, his head was spinning from it.

“Not yet.” She breathed against his chest, her words a soft whisper, not a command. He could feel her breath against his chest. “Try not to.”

“I can’t, I can’t stop it.” He gasped out as her hand rubbed against the material of his boxers. It was like a tidal wave rushing over him and his whole body was tingling and moving.

“Try.” She whispered again. “Not till I say.”

“I will, I’m trying.” She brought her lips up to his and kissed him softly.

“You’re doing good Daryl.” She whispered, running her hand through his hair and placed her cheek against his. She stopped moving against him but he was still bucking his hips against her hand.

She waited thirty seconds and then stroked him again, then stopped and started again. Then she pressed her hand against him, just enough and he wasn’t going to be able to hold out. He was trying but his heart was ready to burst out of his chest and he couldn’t breathe.

“I gotta…” He puffed out in a gasp shaking his head back and forth. “I can’t.”

“It’s ok.” She whispered, giving him permission and that was enough to push him past the point of no return and he literally saw stars and almost blacked out. Everything went white behind his eyes and he couldn’t hear.

“Oh my fucking god, fuck, oh my god, fuck, fuck.” His voice faded out as he totally gave himself over to the most incredible orgasm he had ever had. “Fuck.”

He didn’t realize that she was right there with him falling off the cliff, whispering dirty things to him and shaking herself. It lasted longer than ever before and when it was over he had come all over her hand and his stomach.

His whole body went slack with exhaustion and she untied his hands.

“Holy fucking shit.” He said as he slid down to the floor and Stephanie sat down with him. Stephanie got behind him so that he was sitting between her legs with his head back on her shoulder.

She pushed his hair out of his eyes. “Are you ok?”

He nodded as he was gasping for breath and drenched in sweat. She moved behind him and she put her arms around him.

“What do I got to do to get you for two nights?” He breathed out. More. He needed more.

“Ok, we can talk about that later, right now, we’re gonna sit here a few minutes till you get your bearings back.” She said. “I’ll just talk to you ok.” She ran her hand through his hair and her fingers over his forehead.

He nodded with his head against her shoulder feeling both exhausted and love drunk at the same time.

“So, when I was a kid, my father was a roadie for The Pretenders and my mother sang back up for REM. and The Outfield...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, Let me know what you think :)


	8. 8-The Difference Between Eddie Vedder and Dokken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is leaving me love about this story. To the anons that I can’t thank personally, thank you so much for letting me know what you think. I love you all xoxoxoKrissy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Stephanie open up to each other. I stink at summaries. Sorry

Glenn walked back into the pizza parlor and almost banged right onto the broad chest of Merle Dixon who was there with Teagan picking up a calzone and two liters of Pepsi. He shook his head as he walked to the back of the pizzeria. This was a weird night, what were the odds of running into both Dixon’s at two separate times in the same night?

“Hey Rhee, slow down man, your gonna have heart attack running around all over the place.” Merle said watching Glenn rush to get behind the counter.

“No time Merle, I got babies to feed.” Glenn replied walking behind the counter. “Any and all tips are appreciated, and I’ll let you know Daryl just gave me a doozy of a tip.”

Merle’s head jerked around so fast that Teagan was sure he was going to get whiplash, she squeezed his arm slightly.

“Merle.” She said.

“You just saw Daryl?” Merle asked, because it was Friday night. No one had seen Daryl on a Friday night in a month or more.

“Yeah, I just delivered a super special to Stephanie’s house.” Glenn replied unloading his delivery bag and grabbing the next order to go. The owners name was Sal and he was busy behind the counter making pizzas for their busiest night of the week.

Who the fuck was Stephanie.

“Not your business.” Teagan whispered.

“Who the fuck is Stephanie.” Merle blurted out.

Glenn looked at him. “You know, Stephanie, from the library?” Glenn replied and left for his next delivery.

Merle turned to Teagan and she shook her head.

“If he wanted you to know anything he’d tell you.” She cautioned.

“But she was at the grocery store last night.” Merle said grabbing their food and leading her out the door. “You should have seen it, there were pheromones and fireworks all over the fucking place and they didn’t even hardly say hello to each other.”

“Well, maybe he doesn’t want to bring it out in the open yet.”

“Baby.” Merle stopped at the car and put the bags on the hood. “What if I walked right past you in a store? What would you do?”

Teagan smiled. “I’d kill you and make earrings out of your balls but that’s just me. Babe”

“Same here.” Merle said. “But they acted like they didn’t know each other, and we both know he don’t come home till Saturday afternoons, this is fucked up.”

“Merle?” Teagan put her arms around him and looked up at him. “It doesn’t matter how fucked up we think it is, it’s not our relationship or business, do you get that.” 

“I get it, but what if it’s something…”

“Something what? You said yourself he’s like a changed man, why do you care what the catalyst is?”

“It’s my little brother.” Merle said.

“Yes, who’s been walking around with a smile on his face for weeks now, if it’s because of some librarian and they talk about books all night, that’s not your business.”

“He does read a lot; I guess he finally found someone he had something in common with.” Merle said. “Maybe they read to each other?”

“It doesn’t matter what they do, if he’s happy.” Teagan said. “And obviously he is, you said so yourself.”

3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

They sat on the kitchen floor for a long while and she told him all about her life. They got something to drink and then just sat there with him leaning against her. Her back against the door and him between her legs with his back to her. She had her fingers in his hair and was brushing it out of his face. It was a loving gesture and it made him feel cared about.

He wanted her to know how much he cared about her. There had to be a way to show her.

Daryl told her about his life, which was nothing as showy as hers had been. He and Merle were alone now, their parents both gone. But there was no abuse or fucked up things, just a normal life. There wasn’t any drinking or drugs so to speak, and certainly not by his parents. They were a nice church going couple.

Whose son was wracked with guilt over a particular kink he happened to have.

Daryl smoked a little pot when he was younger, he had told her that, as an escape, but not anymore. It was just a normal life. Which was why he had always felt so abnormal.

Stephanie made him feel normal.

With her in his life, he started to walk taller and hold his head up higher, it had been happening subtly over the few weeks that he had known her. He wasn’t even aware that people noticed, but they did, Merle certainly did. Teagan had noticed too, remarking that he looked at people now, instead of hiding behind his hair.

Stephanie offered him what he wanted without hesitation and made him feel worthy, he would never ever forget her. Not ever.

And now he knew that her childhood was anything but normal yet she was capable of helping another person, him, be unashamed of their desires. She was something else indeed, she made him think of things he hadn’t thought about in a long time.

Suddenly he wanted to try for things he never wanted to try for before.

Stephanie spilled her guts to exactly one other person in her life, and that was Tara, and Tara was there for most of it anyway. When someone was spending hours inking and piercing your body, since you were thirteen, you grew close. Tara was her closest friend and the one person she trusted in this world. Tara knew her just a little bit better than Daryl now and she was trying to wrap her head around that.

Why had she spilled her guts to him? And not to anyone else? She was 31, had been involved in a dozen relationships and not once had she told.

But there was something about him that made her want to tell him. This wasn’t like her but no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t not tell him things. It just came tumbling out of her mouth. She listened to the song that was playing. ‘So Far Away’ by Stained. She liked Stained a lot, their music was tragic and beautiful. Appropriate. 

(((((( These are my words that I’ve never said before, I think I’m doin ok. And this is the smile, I’ve never shown before.)))

“So that’s my story, why I’m the way I am.” She said after she was done. “I’ve been to counseling, I know the reasons why I do what I do.”

“It’s who you are.” He said. “We aren’t supposed to be ashamed of who were are right?”

“No one else knows about this except Tara.” She replied. “I’m not ashamed, I just can’t open up to people.”

“Never told any of your other paramours before?”

She smiled weakly. “Paramours.” She repeated. Paramour, a person with whom someone is having a romantic or sexual relationship, especially one that is a secret or improper. She was a librarian; after all she knew what the word meant. He wasn’t wrong either, although she never felt improper, but she did feel like it was a secret.

And he was just her latest paramour, wasn’t he?

She had tried to have a real boyfriend once or twice and she felt trapped. They always wanted too much from her and things that she couldn’t give. She couldn’t give her entire weekend to someone, or answer to them about things. She was a grown up and didn’t want to be tied down to someone. 

Or she didn’t want to be tied down to any of the people she had met so far. Still she wanted a connection, people in the bands were always on the move and never in the same place for very long. 

Stephanie was used to people coming and going in her life.

This was what worked for her and had been for years, the give and take of this lifestyle gave her security. Sure she cared about people but they moved in and out of her life and she didn’t miss them when they were gone. It was how she was wired, what she was always used to and what made her tick. She needed to control it with documents and rules.

Still no one was ever hurt, herself included.

Whenever she or they decided to break the contract it was always with a hug or a kiss goodbye and with good feelings. She connected with them on a temporary level. And temporary was just fine with her.

“Just you, and I have no idea why.” She said.

“Does that bother you?” He asked.

“I don’t know really; it’s always been easier to keep people at arm’s length.”

“Well I can’t really blame you, that was a crazy life for a little kid. Traveling around, not knowing where you were bunking down at night. Lots of people in and out of your life huh?” He looked back at her and she nodded. “It must still be hard to form attachments.” He said reaching up and touching her hair, the way she had touched his. 

It felt relaxing and good she rested her chin on his shoulder and her chest against his back and enjoyed his touch.

“People always left you, right?” He asked. “So now you run it, so that it’s your choice, I get that.”

He moved so that they were facing each other and brought his arms over her shoulders to hug her to him.

“Still doesn’t explain why I just let lose my whole life story on you just now.” She said.

“You make me feel normal, maybe I do the same for you.” He said to her.

“Hmmm, maybe.” She shrugged.

“You don’t date do you?” He asked.

“Do you?” She asked.

“Unsuccessfully.”

“Right, that’s how I would put it too.”

“That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us, you taught me that.” He said to her. “I’m glad you told me, please don’t be upset.”

“I’m not, shockingly, come on.” Said standing up and reaching her hand out to him. “Let’s go take a shower.”

She had told him more about herself now than anyone else and that was enough for one night. Certainly none of her other contract relationships knew about her parents and now he did.

He stood up and followed her through the kitchen and into her bed room. The bathroom was off of her room at the other end of the house. She stopped in her room and pulled her t-shirt over her head, tossing it to the hamper and unfastening her bra.

He watched as she peeled off her clothes in front of him without abandon, she wasn’t shy and she wasn’t concerned with him seeing her. And see her he did, she had gorgeous tattoos all over her back and trunk.

Somewhere in the house a Pearl Jam song was on and Daryl asked her what it was about them that she liked so much and she replied, ‘My parents don’t know them’. Then she giggled and admitted that she thought Eddie Vedder was hot as fuck jumping around on stage with his long hair and board shorts. Then they discussed the holy trinity of Jane’s Addiction, Nine Inch Nails, and Alice in Chains, with an honorable mention to Nirvana, Daryl’s personal favorite. He was amazed how they always talked constantly when they were together. 

He was never much for talking, but looking back, he had always talked to her. It was always so easy.

Just like they always did in the library when he came to check out books, never knowing what was simmering under her work persona. Not once did he ever see her tongue piercing when they spoke or her tattoos. She just recommended books to him and eagerly listened to his opinions on them.

He had thought through the years that he would like to ask her for a date, now he was glad he didn’t and kept things friendly with her. He knew now she would have said no to a date with him and then he wouldn’t be in her bedroom taking off his clothes right now.

“Eddie Vedder has the smokiest sexy voice ever.” She said.

“Thought I had the sexiest voice ever.” He asked. “Aint that why you were tryin to get me to talk?”

“Oh, you do. Believe me.” She said. “You could work for a sex line with that voice, I’d call you.”

“I’ve been told.” He said. “They say that about my brother too, its cause we both been smoking since we were fifteen.” He laughed.0

Then he looked over at her bed. They had only slept in her bed before, nothing else. He wondered if that was a rule or something, could they have sex in her bed? Would she want to? He wanted to make her feel as good as she had just made him feel, but he had no idea of how to even ask her. So Stephanie, is there a no fucking rule about your bed?

“How do you feel?” She asked him, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Are your legs and arms ok?”

“M’fine Stephanie.” And he almost leaned over to kiss her and then he remembered, she had to tell him to do it. That was fine, he could wait.

Another song came on and she tilted her head to listen. “This is Dokken, ‘It’s Not Love’. My mother sang on this track.”

“It’s a sad song.” He said. “I know it, my brother likes this old rock and roll.”

“Yeah it is.”

“Is she the girl’s voice?” He asked. “On the phone call?”

Stephanie shook her head. “No, her name was Elizabeth. I knew her though.”

Daryl turned to her unsure of how to say what he wanted to say. She always encouraged him to just say what was on his mind, it was he who couldn’t find the words to ask for more. “Can we?” he motioned over towards the bed.

“Arent you tired?” She asked.

He shrugged. “A little, but...you.” He said. “I wanna make you feel good too.”

“Oh.” She took the bra off revealing two nipple piercings with barbells and a bellybutton ring. “You’re worried about me?”

He had pulled his pants down so that he was in his boxers and she still had her shorts on. He nodded and tried to stop staring at her.

“Yes.” He replied unable to stop looking. “Always worried about you...”

“You ok?” She asked as his voice faded away. “Daryl?”

“I’m having a really hard time not staring at your tits, so can I just get it out of my system.” He said and she laughed.

“You never saw these kind of piercings before?”

“No.”

“Ok.” She laughed. “You felt the one in my tongue right?” She asked as she allowed him to look at her. “When we kissed.”

“Yeah and it was fucking hot.” He said. “Glad I never saw it before; I would have been following you around the library like a puppy dog.”

She grinned at him and enjoyed his candor. He was honest to a fault.

“I’m going to tell you a secret, that one’s for you, tongue piercings add that extra kick for whoever you’re kissing or blowing. But these are for me, when you touch them later and lick them, which I really like, you won’t believe how fast I get off.”

“Damn.” He gazed at her chest, finally getting used to her talking about blow jobs and blindfolds after a few weeks. She always made sure she explained everything to him.

She went in the bathroom and turned on the water and turned to face him as he stood in the doorway.

“Just like you liked what we did, so did I. I have a hood piercing, I got off from rubbing against you before. It takes literally two seconds.”

He hadn’t noticed that, he was too busy having his mind blown.

“You’re like the perfect girl.” He said stripping off his boxers and following her towards the shower. “Not just because it’s easy to get you off. But it’s a bonus, I’m not gonna lie.”

How many women had exhausted him with demands that he kiss, lick and touch them in just the right way and in just the right places? She was a relief in so many ways.

“Yeah well, its inconvenient on the bus when you hit a bump in the road or something.” She laughed.

“You can come on the bus?” He laughed. “That’s distracting.”

“Just once…ok twice. The second time I did it on purpose so I would know how not to sit with the piercing.” She replied.

“That’s fucking hilarious, and just so you know, next time you do that I wanna be sitting right next to you.” He said passing her and getting in the shower.

Looking at her back of tattoos, he had seen the Mcloughlin one already and her ankle tattoos. She had a fairy in her right shoulder that was colorful and pretty, she had some flowers on her ribs and some writing on the other ribs. He could investigate them all later.

He touched the tattoo of the fairy.

“This is so you.” He said leaning against the wall and letting the hot water roll off of him. “Might have to call you Tinkerbell.”

“No it isn’t.” She said.

“And the roses.” He pointed to the grey wash rose on her other shoulder. “All you. You just don’t see what I see.”

He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her back against his chest and the water rolled over both of them.

“I want to make you feel the way you made me feel.” He said. “Please let me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think :)


	9. 9- This is for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song lyrics in parenthesis. I know , but I cant help it :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading and leaving me love on this story. I am totally blown away. xoxoxoxKrissy

(((( Hear the sirens, hear the sirens, hear the sirens, hear the circus so profound. I hear the sirens, more and more in this here town.))))

They laid down on the bed together after the shower and he looked into her eyes for one of the first times without her telling him to first. He just did it and it didn’t go un noticed by her. 

The song ‘Sirens’ playing from the living room and he thought about the fact that he was never here when there wasn’t music on. 

It was in her blood and it was becoming more of a part of him too. He liked music, but now he had a whole new appreciation for it. For how relaxing it could be and how it could set a mood for anything and how good it made you feel. 

He crawled up and over her as she laid down on her back, and put her arms around his neck. She was smiling that smile that lit up his life now and he needed to see it as much as possible when they were together to hold him to the next week. That was his routine now to commit her face to memory while they sat listening to music working on eye contact and trust.

It was a long week from Saturday to Thursday.

Stephanie had already told him he could kiss her as much as he wanted and she would stop him if she didn’t want something he was doing. He slid his body between her legs and ran his fingers through her hair, still looking in her eyes.

“I’m not a sexual dynamo, but I do alright.” He whispered to her ear and brought his lips over to kissed her.

She returned the kiss and wound her hands into his hair, pulling him down closer to her. She wasn’t kidding about the hair pulling and he wasn’t surprised that he liked it.

It was something quite different kissing her and being able to touch her too. To have her touching him this way too. It was so good.

“Tell me what you want, I’ll do whatever you want.” He whispered against her neck.

“I want everything you have.” She said.

“Your wish is my command.” He whispered in her ear running his tongue over the shell of it and breathing a long exhale.

She pulled on his hair gently and brought his face up to hers. “Damn right.”

((((The slightest bit of light and I can see you clear)))).

He laughed and kissed her hard, sliding his tongue into her mouth and bringing his hand up her ribcage. She was right again, that tongue piercing did things to him. He had been totally shocked to feel it that first time she kissed him.

Now he didn’t want to kiss anyone that didn’t have one. Or maybe he just wanted to kiss her from now on.

Stephanie arched her back into his hand on her side and let out a soft sigh, letting him know he was on the right track. Positive reinforcement worked wonders everywhere was her philosophy, how would the person you’re with know what you like if you don’t tell them? People weren’t mind readers and sometimes you had to ask for what you wanted or let them know what you liked.

Once you figured that out and knew what you wanted. Then you had it all.

The way she responded to him made him dizzy, she really wanted him, even after what they had done. She didn’t change her opinion of him, she didn’t think he was a freak and she made sure he knew that.

He had always thought that if he ever got the nerve to ask someone for what she gave him that they would never want to see him again. Or worse they would tell someone. She made it clear that wasn’t the case, they would be seeing each other again and she was keeping all his secrets.

He wasn’t a freak, or if he was he had found a match for his lonely soul.

She returned his kiss with enthusiasm and he brought his hand over her breast, the barbell felt different to him, he didn’t want to hurt her but he soon got used to it. He just wanted to do for her what she had done for him. She responded instantly to his touch and hissed as his palm came over her.

“You weren’t kidding.” He breathed against her neck as he kissed his way to her other breast. “Will you really come this way?”

“Yes.” She breathed out, already close when his lips came down on her other breast. The barbell felt cool against his lips and he slid his tongue over it. She arched her back and moaned deep in her throat from the feel of his hot mouth on her cool skin.

“Good?” He asked.

“Yes.” She sighed as he watched goose bumps break out all over her skin. “More.”

He did as she wanted and found himself getting so aroused again. Her words went right to his dick and he was half hard again. He wanted to make her feel good so badly, in gratitude for the way she made him feel.

“I want this to be so good for you.” He whispered against her skin, she tasted sweet and salty and he couldn’t get enough of her. “This is for you.”

“Don’t stop, don’t stop.” She panted. “You are good at this.”

“Told ya.” He grinned up at her.

He continued rubbing one breast with his palm and the other he had his lips and tongue all over. He watched her reactions closely and every sigh and moan. Then he followed what got the biggest reaction from her and kept at it and it was a fast reaction too.

Daryl could tell it was coming and he hadn’t even been touching her for long.

There was a thin sheen of sweat along her body and he watched as her eyelids fluttered closed and he knew. He had never made someone come this way before and he was amazed as he watched her fall apart under him.

“Oh my god, yes, yes.” He grinned as she let it all go without abandon. She wasn’t quiet about it and it just turned him on more and more. Every time with her was a new surprise and she held his interest like no one before her.

Then he felt her hands in his hair and she ran her fingers through it with his head still between her breasts. He closed his eyes and let himself feel it, his body was on fire again after such a short time from being totally spent.

“I want you.” He breathed against her skin.

She pulled him back up to her face and kissed him.

“That’s so good Steph.” He slowly moved his hand down over her stomach.

He could hear her suck in her breath.

“Can I?” He asked and she nodded. “Steph, I gotta taste you, can I?”

“Yes, yes, please.” She breathed out in a rush, and he reveled in his effect on her. He could make her get totally unglued just like she could do to him.

Daryl kissed down her stomach, alternating with slow licks along her ribs, over the roses there and around the hoop on her belly button. He slid his teeth and tongue against it lightly and she sighed again. Then he brought his hands down on her inner thighs and rubbed along them to her knees.

He spread her knees apart and looked down at her, and he had forgotten, there was a stud piercing there. He had never seen that kind before either. It was sexy as hell and he hoped he would remember all the things he wanted to ask her about it.

“God damn, that’s nice.” He groaned as he gave her wet kisses from her knee and all down her thigh.

He gave her one more lustful, dizzy eyed look before he dropped his head down between her legs. She felt him lick her with the flat of his tongue ending where the piercing was and she gripped the sheets in her hands.

Daryl was amazed at the reactions he was getting from her.

Her heels were digging into the bed already and he had just started. He was so gentle with her as if she was a precious thing but, he knew his way around a woman’s body and he was not stopping until he got what he wanted.

He licked her again and again, until she was trembling and then he added his fingers along with his tongue and she moaned out loud.

“Daryl…” She sighed out as he slid a finger inside her, then another and she ground her hips into his hand. “Oh, oh.”

“Mmmmmmm.” He groaned into her thigh and then he was right back next to her piercing, running the tip of his tongue all around it. She was totally on fire and swirling her hips into his face and hand.

She hadn’t lied about how fast it came with the piercings, but he wasn’t done yet. He stopped what he was doing and she let out a frustrated groan.

“Damn you.” She sighed.

“Oh sweetheart.” He grinned up at her. “Don’t be mad. Good things come to those who wait.”

“Thought you weren’t a sexual dynamo.”

“Not.” He spread her legs wider. “Just observant.”

He slipped back to her piercing and sucked on it softly alternating with the tip of his tongue. Stephanie’s legs were shaking and her breathing was ragged.

“Do it baby.” He growled. “Come on.”

He slid his head right back down between her legs until she was screaming and frantically trying to pull him up to her. Finally, they were face to face and kissed him like she was dying of thirst and he was the last drink of water in the house. She devoured his mouth and pulled his hips against her.

“Now.” She said and raised her hips up to take him inside her. There was another song playing now ‘Gel’ By Collective Soul. “Now.”

((((((( Well, I just want to, want to shake us up.)))))))

Daryl let out a grunt that sounded like he was climbing up the side of a mountain and before he knew it she had flipped them over so that she was on top of him. It was so quick he hadn’t caught his breath and he let out a grunt, then she had him by his arms.

She brought his arms down over his head and held them there. 

“This is for you.” She said staring down at him.

Stephanie rolled her hips over his and held his hands down, her face inches from his. She kissed him quickly but thoroughly and he lifted his head trying to get more, but she was out of reach.

She was warm and wet around him; after a life time of condoms he had never felt this before. He was in a daze already and then she held his hands down, which just added to the whole experience.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.” She whispered.

“Don’t care, Steph just fuck me.” He groaned. “Fuck me. Fuck me.”

She ground her hips into him and he was sure his head was going to explode. He had never been inside a woman with his hands restrained before and even though he could have easily gotten away from her, that wasn’t the point. 

He didn’t want to get away from her and Stephanie just added to it when she leaned down and whispered the dirtiest things in his ear.

“Alright.” She purred into his ear. “I’m going to fuck your brains out.”

“Dammit Stephanie, you got a dirty mouth.” He said moving his hands under hers.

“You have no idea what I can do with this mouth.” She leaned down and kissed him.

“Oh yeah, show me.”

“Nope.” She kissed him again and moved her hips around. “Tomorrow. Maybe.”

“Whatever, you’re the boss.”

“That’s right.” Her face was still close to his but she was whispering. “Daryl?”

“What?” He whispered back.

“Nice dick.” She said raising her eyebrows and quirking them at him.

He turned his head to face her. “It’s all for you.” He gasped out.

She brought her lips over to his ear. “Give it to me, I want all of it, every bit. Come inside me.” She whispered hotly in his ear and continued to hold his hands down. “Come inside me.”

Her words whispered in his ear and her hands holding him down was too much for him and he was a goner at her will again. He came with a roar as she held his hands down against the bed. There was nothing like it on earth and he had been waiting such a long time for it.

It felt like it was going on forever even though it was less than a minute, he was out of his mind from it.

“Wow.” He said after a few minutes and he caught his breath. Stephanie grinned as she slid off of him and under his arm as he kissed the top of her head.

“Yeah.”

“Can I ask you something?”

She rolled over towards him. “Yes, I want some iced tea.”

“Fine, I got your iced tea, but I have a question, ok?”

“Sure.” She reached for a t-shirt that was laying on the floor and put it on. It said ‘The Misfits’ on it. “Smoke?”

“Sure.” He raised an eyebrow at her and pulled on his boxers and t-shirt. They both headed into the kitchen and got drinks, then headed out on her deck.

There was a table out there with chairs and an umbrella, which Daryl hadn’t known was there. They sat down opposite each other and he lit two cigarettes and handed one to her.

“Ok, what’s your question?”

“How long you been smoking?” He asked.

“I smoke sometimes, on and off all my life, but I know that wasn’t your question.”

“Do you think it’s possible to be truly happy in life?” He asked.

“I’m happy, aren’t you happy? Daryl.” She said taking a long inhale of the cigarette.

“I’m getting there.”

“Good, I’m glad.” She said. “Everyone should be happy Daryl.”

“And you are?”

“Always have been, once I learned that it was up to me. You can conquer the world once you figure that out.”


	10. 10- I Can Hear Her Heart Beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl goes home to more questions from Merle and Stephanie takes a road trip.

Late Saturday afternoon Daryl snuck in the house and down the hall towards his room with his backpack slung over his shoulder. All he wanted to do is get some sleep and count the minutes until Friday. With any luck Merle would have been at Teagan’s but last weekend but she had moved in with them so now Merle was always home. A few times on Saturdays he was able to get in the house without him knowing and just crash for the rest of the afternoon.

But it wasn’t looking good for today.

He was always tired on Saturday afternoons, but he would have stayed longer if he could have. Stephanie had said no, she had plans and she said they would see each other on Friday as usual. Daryl wanted more, more time, more of her, more everything but it didn’t go that way. He would take what she gave him with a smile on his face though and be happy about it.

Now he was trying to get in the house without alerting Merle. Teagan was nowhere to be found. Her car was gone so she must have been at the store. That sucked because he could have really used a buffer right now.

“Smells like lemons, where the fuck have you been?”

He stopped and turned in the hallway, feeling like a teenager, so much for sneaking in like a thief. He wasn’t in the mood for Merle right now, with his questions and comments.

“Am I thirty or twelve.” He called down the hall.

“You coulda called.”

He tossed his backpack into his room and walked back down the hall towards the kitchen.

“Merle, I’ve been out every Friday night for a month.” He said. “Aint nothing new.”

“It’s six, you’re usually home at noon asshole.”

“Got tied up.” He said leaning against the door frame and rolling his tongue against the side of his cheek. The irony of that statement making his eye twitch as he looked over at Merle. And he grinned slightly thinking about the night before and thinking of her. 

“Still coulda called.”

The backdoor opened and Teagan came in with two bags of groceries. Merle immediately dropped the subject with Daryl and went to help her bring in her packages.

“We aint done brother.” He said as he took the bags from Teagan.

They brought the bags in and set them on the table and Daryl and Teagan started unloading them. She had heard them talking when she came in. Merle just wouldn’t let it go until he knew what was going on. She had told him to but our and stopped him at least five times from blowing up Daryl’s phone when he didn’t come home that morning.

“Your brother thinks you’re out robbing banks or something just because you won’t tell him where you go every Friday.” She said bumping shoulders with Merle.

“Cause its none of his business.” He walked by to put something on the counter and winked at her. Teagan winked back at him and continued to empty the bags.

“I’m making Meatloaf and mashed potato for you guys tonight. Sound good Daryl?” Teagan said. “And spinach.”

“This is some fucked up Threes Company we got going here.” Merle said.

“Oh why baby, cause it isn’t you and two girls?” She laughed walking over to Merle, putting her hands on his shoulders and kissing him. “I’m the luckiest girl in town.”

“That’s true darlin.” He said pulling her close. “And I’m the luckiest guy.”

Then Merle turned to Daryl who was putting things away in the refrigerator.

“Don’t think I forgot about you brother, nice necklace.” Merle said and he kissed Teagan on the forehead. “Be right back sugar.” And he walked down the hall to the bathroom.

Daryl turned to Teagan to hand her the eggs out of the bag.

“Don’t pay attention to him, Daryl.” Teagan said. “He just…worries.”

“I know, but I know what I’m doin.” He said.

“I have no doubt at all.” Teagan replied. “You know your brother.”

“Yeah. I do.”

That night he laid in bed thinking about her. He had wanted to stay another night with her so badly. Seeing her just once a week wasn’t enough for him, he laid in his bed wishing she was there. He didn’t know what he was doing, not really. He could hear music somewhere in the house, Merle and Teagan were dancing in the living room to ‘Crazy Love’ by Van Morrison and he could hear the words.

((((((( I can hear her heartbeat for a thousand miles, and the heaven’s open whenever she smiles.)))))

Merle and Teagan danced together a lot at night to slow songs, this was how he knew his brother was truly in love. She had gotten to him and changed him. And slowed him right down. Daryl wanted what they had, he thought it would never happen for him. He had hope now, for the first time, but he was scared. That was breaking the rules.

There was a saying he had always heard and he thought of it as he smoked in the dark laying on his bed wishing for her.

The greatest tragedy for a man is to never get his heart’s desire, the other, is to get it.

33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

“I met someone, Tara.” Stephanie had said into the phone five days earlier and they made their plans for the next weekend. She would drive up on Saturday and stay until Monday because she didn’t go into the library until noon on Mondays. They planned weekend of food, movies and girl talk and they both needed it.

They never had time for this and they need to make time for it more often, Stephanie intended to suggest that very thing. You just shouldn’t go months without seeing your oldest and best friend, it wasn’t good for your psyche.

She was instantly excited when they hung up the phone, she missed Tara so much, so many memories in her life included her. She was her bestie and had been for over 20 years, they knew each other better than anyone else on this earth. And she needed Tara right now.

Tara turned to her girlfriend Denise after they hung up and said hell had just frozen over. Stephanie had met someone and she was coming up to talk it out on Saturday.

Stephanie left her house at six after Daryl reluctantly went home and the truth was, she might have let him stay if she wasn’t leaving herself. And that was the whole reason why she was going to Tara.

Two nights with him, that wasn’t in the rules.

She drove with the music blasting in Connie’s speakers and her backpack in the back seat, as if she had not a care in the world. Her mood was light and she was happy, just like she always was, the sun was still out and shining bright. That just made it all the better.

The drive would take two hours, without traffic and she had plenty of music jacked into her radio from her iPod.

‘All the Right Moves’ by One Republic was playing and Stephanie sang along. She hadn’t seen Tara in about a month or so and she couldn’t wait to see her.

(((( All the right moves and all the right faces, so yeah we’re going down. They say, everybody knows, everybody knows where we’re going, yeah we’re going down.

Do you think I’m special? Do you think I’m nice? Am I bright enough to shine in your spaces? )))

She drove along singing to all the music that came on and was there before she knew it.

Stephanie arrived at eight and the music was coming out of Tara’s apartment, as usual but it wasn’t her usual genre it was ‘Feel Good Inc.’ by Gorillaz. She knocked and waited for her to open the door. As soon as she opened the door they were screaming and hugging each other.

“What the hell are you listening to?” Stephanie asked.

“Don’t tell ok?” Tara grinned.

“Oh, I’m calling him right now.” Stephanie said.

“You just missed him, he just called and said to give you a big kiss.” Tara kissed her on the cheek. “That’s from Doug.”

“I love your Dad.”

“He’s alright.” Tara grinned.

Tara had her short hair in a half pony tail and her usual jeans and t-shirt on. She had an eyebrow piercing and a Monroe, plus all the ear piercings Stephanie had. She was pretty with short brown hair and a sweet smile. They almost looked like sisters and when they were younger they were often mistaken for just that. 

They hugged again because they hadn’t seen each other so long.

Stephanie had her hair wound up in two knobs on either side of her head and shorts and bare feet, it was spring in the south and this was her uniform out of work. She dressed up for the library, but she was really a jeans and t-shirt girl. She couldn’t wait to put her feet in the ocean.

“Come on Sailor Moon.” Tara said. “Let’s go to the beach.”

“I need a tattoo this weekend, figured it wouldn’t be in the way this way.”

“And you look so cute.” Tara said as she grabbed a hoody for their walk to the beach. “So cute you are.”

They walked the short distance to the beach talking about work and music, saving the real topic for later. They stopped and bought coffee along the way and drank it as they walked.

Already she felt the healing powers of the sea as she breathed it in as they got closer. It was like old times and Tara was with her soon they would be sitting by their favorite place at the beach. Tara and Stephanie had known each other almost all their lives. The fact that Tara had met someone who lived in Georgia and now lived only two hours from Stephanie was a stroke of wonderful luck.

There were times in their lives where they were separated by many states and a few oceans. But not now, they were close in proximity and in the heart.

They talked on the phone often, but they had never had this kind of conversation. Tara knew all about Stephanie’s life and hearing her say she met someone carried a hell of a lot of weight with her.

This was a first.

Tara was the daughter of a rock star. Stephanie’s parents worked for Tara’s father on and off and they had grown up together riding on tour buses and counting the days until they could emancipate themselves from their parents.

Stephanie to her grandmother’s where she still lived after she inherited the house, when her grandmother died. Tara to art school, where she met a nice Med Student who she moved in with a few years ago.

Tara’s father still toured, and he was still a headliner along with the three other guys that played in his band. But he was the most famous of them, he was the lead singer. The best looking, even as he got older, he still turned heads.

He was best known for tying scarves on his microphone and having an amazing vocal range. He was a true rock star and he called his only daughter three times a week.

“How’s Doug?”

“Doug is Doug, you know singing and chasing girls.” Tara replied. “He’s somewhere in New Jersey right now on tour. Some place called Starland Ballroom.”

“Bet he’s hitting the beach and that place, what was it called? Martell’s or Jenkinson’s remember on the boardwalk? With the Margarita’s and the popcorn?”

“Yeah.” Tara said smiling at the memory. “They spotted us and he got up and sang with the house band.”

Stephanie smiled. “Your Dad is something else.”

“Yeah he is.” Tara said. “But I don’t wanna talk about Doug, you and I both know he’s always gonna be the same.” She laughed. “I wanna hear about this guy that’s got you driving all the way up here for more ink.”

“Oh, cookie, I’m here to see you too.” Stephanie said.

“You need to let out some endorphins.” Tara laughed. “You need a hit of the ink needle, to hear the buzz.”

“No, that’s not a problem.” Stephanie laughed.

“Ok spill your guts.” Tara said rubbing her hands together.

“I told him about Casey and Mick. I told him.” Stephanie said as she and Tara sat on a bench together by the water in Savannah watching the boats go by.

“Wow.” Tara said. “Like, you told him something personal.”

Tara reached for her cigarette and took a drag and handed it back to Stephanie.

“That’s not like you.” Tara said. “Thought you didn’t tell them about that, or anything personal.”

“I don’t. I don’t know why.” Stephanie said. “I couldn’t not tell him.”

“And you told him all about life on a tour bus with our crazy parents?”

Stephanie nodded with a slight frown on her face.

“About the groupies and all the drinking?” Tara asked. “About scalping tickets for pot in the parking lots? About kissing Jacob Dylan backstage at CBGB’s when his dad and my dad were touring together?”

“Including your reply when he tried to kiss you too.” She smiled. “You do know I’m into girls right?”

They erupted into laughter. 

“Jeeez Steph, you’re gonna have to marry this guy.” Tara said. “He knows too much.” She laughed.

“I’m never getting married…”

“Yeah yeah, I know and no kids either god forbid, but you never said jack shit about love.” Tara said taking a sip of her coffee. “And that my friend hits you right in the face when you aren’t looking.” 

She held her coffee cup up to her in a toast. 

“Congrats Steph, you fought the good fight, but in the end you have no control over it.” They were silent for a few beats just sitting together drinking coffee. 

Stephanie thought about what her friend was saying, she thought herself incapable of love. She didn’t know what it even felt like, that’s how sure she was that it had never happened to her before.

“So what are we putting on you tonight?”

“Another fairy and maybe some other stuff.”

“Ok, let’s do this.”


	11. 11-I Met Someone

I fell into a burning ring of fire, I went down, down, down and the flames went higher.

Ring of Fire by Social Distortion played on the little radio on Tara’s kitchen counter as Stephanie sat frontwards on a chair. All she wore was a sports bra and her short because Tara was working on her back. She hung her arms over the back of the chair as Tara inked a fairy and a rose on her. Tara was an artist with an ink gun and she had done all of Stephanie’s tattoos and piercings. They would match the other two that she had.

They were in the kitchen of Tara and Denise’s apartment because Tara wasn’t working that weekend, once Stephanie had called her she took the night off. Usually they did this at the shop, but Tara had brought everything home anticipating this.

A new tattoo could help clear your mind it was a proven fact that the endorphins released when getting inked raised your serotonin level and thus your well-being.

Stephanie was smoking a cigarette, which she did sometimes and more so since she met Daryl. He hadn’t influenced her, it was more like that after sex cigarette you always needed, but all the time. She wasn’t going to try and figure out her whole life in one weekend, to smoke or not smoke was a thought for another day.

She and Tara were still trying to dissect just why Stephanie couldn’t keep things from Daryl. She was a private person, and had never felt compelled to tell someone her innermost thoughts before, except Tara. But with him, she just wanted to let him know her. And she wanted to know him, it was unnerving to say the least and more than a little terrifying.

“How about some nice snake bites?” Tara said. “Let’s make this a real weekend to remember.”

“I can’t have snake bites at my job, no facial piercings you nut.” Stephanie replied.

“Ok fine, burst my bubble.” Tara groaned. “So what makes this guy different than all your other sub boys?”

“I hate when you say it that way.” Stephanie hung her arms over the back of the chair and laughed. She and Tara held nothing back from each other, it wasn’t possible when you lived the life they lived together. They were each other’s touchstone.

“You love me and you know it.” Tara said as she moved the ink over her skin. “Ok what makes him different than all your FWB’s.”

“That’s better.” Stephanie laughed.

“You still love me.” Tara said drawing the fairy on Stephanie’s back, slowly and with care.

“I do, where’s Denise?”

“She’s on her way home.”

“She doesn’t mind if I crash.”

“No, she doesn’t it’s her weekend on at the ER she’s just gonna go to bed early anyway. So we can stay up and watch The Notebook or something and stop trying to change the subject. Tell me about this guy, what made him so special that you opened the vault. And more importantly, why are you so jammed up over it.”

“I don’t know.”

“Tell me about him.”

“He thought there was something wrong with him, he’s thirty years old and he thought there was something horribly wrong with him.” She said, reaching for her drink on the table beside them. “And he looks at me like I answered all his prayers.”

“Well isn’t that what you do? Answer men’s prayers?” Tara laughed. “You know…”

Stephanie shrugged and took a drag of her cigarette as the door opened and Tara’s girlfriend Denise came walking in with two bags of Chinese food.

“He must be hot.” Tara said.

Denise walked over to them and kissed Tara. “Is she on you about this already.” Then she leaned over and kissed Stephanie. “Ever since you called last weekend, all I’ve been hearing is who is this guy? We have to find out. Stephanie had never called me about a guy, ever. She hasn’t shut up about it all week. It’s a good thing you didn’t tell her his name or she would have googled him.”

“Hey, she’s my best friend, gotta look out for her.”

Denise smiled at her. “That’s why I love ya babe.”

“I don’t do this, you guys know me.” Stephanie said. 

Denise had brought Chinese food for all of them on her way home from work and sat it on the table to unpack.

“Steph, my mother always said you can go through as many people as you want in life but one day you’ll meet the one that goes through you.” Denise said.

“Ah, words of wisdom from Agnes.” Tara said. “Hey, Steph what’s this guy’s name want me to ink it here on your ass while I’m here.”

“Bite me Tara.”

“You wish.” Tara countered and sat back on her own chair. “How about we take a break and finish up later?”

“Sure.”

33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Tara and Stephanie sat on the couch later that night with a huge bowl of popcorn watching ‘City of Angels’ under a blanket together. They spent many nights just like this as kids on tour buses all over the country. Tara’s father paid for a tutor to teach all of the kids in his band and crew’s families when they traveled with him, and all the kids knew each other. 

They lived with and knew all of the kids of other rock and rollers.

This could have been any night from their childhood and it was familiar to them both. They could easily have been ten years old again.

“I don’t know why I let you talk me into this Steph, I just wanna yell at the screen Meg, get off the damn bike.” Tara said holding a pillow over her lap.

“Iris, hello? The best song ever.” Stephanie said putting some popcorn in her mouth. “And Nick Cage in that trench coat. Nice stuff there.”

“Yeah he’s got it going on, I’ll give him that. “

“And his hair is good, not like Con Air.” Stephanie laughed. “You love this and you know it you big romance novel reading, love song playing, mush ball.”

“The Notebook next? We’ll just go for the cut my throat trifecta and watch Titanic too hmmm?” Tara said. “You know for someone who doesn’t do love, you sure do eat these movies up with a spoon.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t believe in it, just that it isn’t possible for me.”

“But it is, it’s possible for everyone.” She turned to her and sat with one leg up on the couch. “Remember how I used to feel? Then I figured it out and so will you.”

“I have it figured out.” Stephanie said. “It’s not for me.”

“Bullshit.” Tara said grabbing some popcorn.

Stephanie put her feet up on the coffee table in front of them.

“How did you meet this guy, the Online thing or what? And, what’s his name anyway?” Tara asked.

“Daryl, I know him from the library, for a long time actually.” 

“How long?”

Stephanie shrugged. “Over five years, he reads a lot.”

“So, what, he out of the blue asked you...” Tara rolled her eyes. “Hey Stephanie, how about you tie me up?”

“No, you big jerk.” She laughed. “I asked him.”

“Whoa, wait a minute. Wait a minute. You, asked him?” Tara grabbed the popcorn.

“Well, he checked out some books about it, and I was free so, I gave him my card.” Stephanie said. “And three weeks later he called me. He’s been coming over every Friday since.”

Tara’s eyes got wide. “What?” She said slowly and Stephanie nodded again.

She reached for her glass of iced tea.

“Do you realize this is the first time you a) Didn’t meet online on the site and b) let someone in your house. Right? Don’t you usually have the no house rule.” Tara said. “I know you do because when we bought your boot knife you told me about all the precautions and everything. You let this guy come to your house?”

Stephanie nodded. “Well, yeah, but I knew him before you know? Oh and the no spending the night rule. Bent that one too.”

“Oh that one too?” Tara laughed. “He must be hot as fuck.”

“Very funny T, this is why I’m here.” She bumped her shoulder. “I don’t know why I’m doing what I’m doing and its making me nervous.”

“Tell me about him, there’s something different about this guy.”

“He was so sincere and he wanted it so badly.” She said. “Plus I knew him already.”

“How is that different, they all want it.” Tara said.

Stephanie shrugged.

“What if he broke the contract? What if he told you he met the love of his life and he didn’t need you anymore?”

Tara watched he face she saw the dark look that came across Stephanie’s face. She didn’t want to give him up, Tara could tell from the look on her face.

“Dude, I have a news flash for you. He’s gone through you.” Tara said. “It’s been nice knowing ya.”

“Tara.” Stephanie looked at her. “I don’t want that; how do I make it stop?

“There’s no stopping it my friend.” Tara said.

Stephanie considered her friend’s words. She didn’t want to be out of control and that’s what love was for her.

“Tara when have you known me to not be able to stop it?” She said. 

“Maybe this time you shouldn’t?”

“It’s all I know Tar.” She replied. “I’m scared.”

Tara put her arm around her best friend. “I know your scared, just take it one day at a time ok, and you can always come see me again if you get spooked.”

33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

“I met someone.” Daryl whispered to Teagan as they sat on the steps smoking after dinner. Merle was in the house and would be coming out soon so he knew he had to get this out fast. He had to talk to someone or he was going to lose his mind. There was music coming from inside the house.

((((Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly, all your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arrive.))))

“I figured as much. With this disappearing act lately.” She said. “Are you happy.”

He nodded. “It’s a different kind of relationship, but I am. I’m happy.”

“That’s all that matters then.” Teagan said. “If it’s a girlfriend or friends with benefits, as long as you’re happy, not Merle, not me…you.”

“I am, of course I wanna see her more, but maybe that will change soon.”

“What’s her name?”

“Stephanie.”

“That’s a pretty name.” She said. “Maybe we can all go out sometime.”

He smiled slightly. “Maybe.”

“I bet she’s a nice girl, Daryl you wouldn’t see anyone who wasn’t, I know that, you’re what I call…” She smiled. “Picky, you and your brother both.”

“She is.” He nodded.

“So bring her around, I’d love to meet her.”


	12. 12- Life Isnt an Ed Sheeran Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love Ed Sheeran; I want to make that clear. I am in no way making fun of him. Music is a tool in my writing that’s all and it fit.

Transference: The redirection of feelings and desires, especially those unconsciously retained from childhood toward a new object.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stephanie was walking home from work the following Wednesday at around six pm. It had been a good week so far and she was doing a lot of thinking since her weekend with Tara and Denise. The bigger picture with things was slowly sinking into her mind. Tara was truly the biggest blessing of her life and had been for so many years.

Friends could see things better sometimes and help you realize things about yourself that you didn’t even know. Tara had reminded her that her forays into the dating world were a long time ago, when she and whoever she was with were younger. She had grown and changed since then and the secure life she had built for herself had helped her grow.

It was ok to put herself out there a little. A little.

She still couldn’t accept her own feelings about Daryl and what made him so different than anyone else. It wasn’t his looks, she had been with better looking men, it wasn’t really anything she could name. They had things in common, but that had happened before with other men. They talked a lot and that was a wonderful bonus, although never a requirement for her to be with someone.

Some men she had been with didn’t want to talk at all and that had always been just fine. This was so different and she knew she was going to be leaning on Tara a lot in the near future.

There was some kind of connection with Daryl that she couldn’t name, and she admitted to Tara that she looked forward to seeing him on Fridays a little too much.

Tara convinced her to stop worrying and to just go with it. Stephanie did not go with anything. This would be a first. It was the hardest thing she had ever done. But she was going to try.

It was a beautiful day and once again she was happy to be going home to her little house. Her safe haven for many years now. She would put on music and sit outside on her deck and read the latest book she got just that day.

Stephanie had created a nice world for herself, a calm life and she was grateful and happy every day. There might be some changes soon and she was anxious but not unhappy.

She had her iPod in and earbuds in her ears and she was bopping down the road listening to ‘Common People’ by Pulp. Stephanie walked with a bounce in her step when she had music playing. Often she could be seen dancing around her house when no one was there.

She inherited the love of music from her parents, just not their unpredictable nature. Stephanie was predictable to a T and he knew she would be walking home from work.

She had on a blue sundress with a darker blue cardigan and her usual Doc Martens Triumph boots. Her hair was in a long French braid like she usually wore it at work. The usual backpack was slung over her shoulder and she was bouncing down the street. He smiled when he saw her head moving to the music as she walked. She was adorable in her own little world.

He never thought it would happen for him, but it did. At the age of almost thirty-one he was in love for the first time.

Stephanie had decided to give him the Saturday nights too and see what happened. Tara had helped her figure it out so that she wouldn’t feel too spooked. Two nights a week would help her sort through her mind what was going on with them and if she got upset, she could always go see Tara again. Tara could always help her screw her head back on, when it blew up with things she couldn’t handle.

(((((( You’ll never live like common people; you’ll never do whatever common people do. Never fail like common people, you’ll never watch your life slide out of view, and dance and drink and screw, because there’s nothing else to do. Sing along with the common people, sing along and it might just get you through. Laugh along with the common people.))))))

She didn’t hear the motorcycle until he was right there next to her, but somehow she knew who it was. She allowed herself to smile. He had ridden the bike to her house a few times now so she knew it was him. She looked over from the side walk as he rode alongside of her.

“Hey.” He said.

“Hey”

“Hop on.”

“I’m almost home.” She said but she was still smiling.

“Dinner?” He said stopping in the road and she stopped too. He looked at him and he knew she was considering it. She didn’t answer right away and she didn’t say no. Stephanie could hear Tara’s voice telling her to stop being a baby and step out of her comfort zone.

It was easier said than done.

On Monday he had thought about going to see her, but he knew she worked later on Mondays and drove to work. On Tuesday he rode up to three blocks from the library and then chickened out. The third time he decided to just go for it. He saw her walking down the street ahead of him and he pulled up all his courage to ride up to her.

It was silly really, he knew every inch of her body, had committed it to memory and yet he was afraid to ask her to dinner. He didn’t want to break the rules and fuck this up, but he wanted what he wanted.

“Are you asking me on a date Daryl?”

“Nope, just want to feed you. Take care of you for a change.” He said. “Everybody has to eat.”

“That’s a date.” She grinned at him. “You know I don’t do that.”

She looked at him and he wasn’t going anywhere. She could hear Tara saying in her ear ‘Get on the bike’.

“So hop on.” It was taking all he could to reach out to her and he watched her as she stood there. For all the bravado he had sometimes when they were alone together, it was all gone right now. He felt like he was screwing up, even though in his head it was a good idea.

Then she came off the side walk, pushed her dress aside and got on the bike behind him.

She slid down against him and pulled her dress over her lap. The feel of her against him gave him chills and then her arms went around him. He caught his breath and sighed in contentment. Maybe it could be different for them, maybe he could ask her.

“You ever been on a bike before?” He asked her.

She nodded.

“Hang on.” He said and drove them to the diner about three blocks from where they had been. He decided as they rode there that he was going to bring it up. The feel of her body behind him and her arms around him felt so good. He was going to ask for more, he wanted it so badly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They went in and got a table together, sitting down in the booth opposite each other that the hostess led them to. Daryl ordered their drinks from the waitress that came by. They each took a menu and they were quiet for a few minutes as they read the menus.

“You have fun over the weekend with your girlfriends?” He asked.

“Yeah, I did, I always do with them. I got two new tattoos.” She grinned.

“Where?” 

“You’ll see eventually, Friday.”

He wanted to see tonight.

Then he just blurted it out. “I want to change it.”

“I know, you want Saturdays too, I can do that.” She said. “We’ll add it into the contract.”

He should have kept his mouth shut and accepted that, but he couldn’t. He would wish he did, later. 

“I want you to meet my family.” He blurted out. “I want this.”

Stephanie peered at him over the menu as he waved his hand around slightly. She felt her heartrate increasing and the air starting to leave her lungs. She hadn’t had a panic attack in such a long time, but here it was, she knew exactly what was happening. It was coming.

“No.” She said. “I can’t do.” She waved her hand around. “This.”

His face fell. “I think you’re scared, that’s all sweetheart.”

He was afraid she was going to get up and bolt on him. They were only a few blocks from her house and he didn’t want her to take off on him before they talked this out. Daryl wanted to offer her some sort of comfort because she was clearly tense. That was the basis of their entire relationship, offering comfort, surly she would see and accept it.

He reached for her hand and she pulled it away.

“Don’t call me that.” She said.

“But that’s just the thing, I want to, I don’t want to hold everything back from you, for the first time in my life. I want to give you every part of me, and I know you feel the same way.”

He could feel it when she looked at him and the way she touched him, she could deny it or call it something else, but she loved him. He knew it, and he also knew he was never going back to a vanilla relationship again, not after this. He had to have her and what they had all the time and completely.

Daryl had found what he had been looking for his whole life and he wanted to start a real life with her. He wanted it so badly and he knew she did too, somewhere deep inside her it was there.

The waitress came back with their drinks that Daryl had ordered when they sat down. Pepsi with ice for him, iced tea, no ice with three lemon wedges and Splenda for her. They placed their orders and when the waitress left they continued the argument.

“What did you think, we’d get married and have kids and spend the rest of our lives listening to Ed Sheeran songs?” She said. “Come on Daryl you knew what this was.”

“You said we would form a bond and we did.” He said. “Care about each other.”

“And I also said if it got too intense it was over.” She sat back in the booth, her appetite now gone.

This was too much for her, she had been prepared to give him another night, but not for other things that he was asking for. It was moving way too fast for her and she could hardly think. Her breath caught in her chest and she could feel her pulse escalating more and more.

“So let me get this straight.” He hissed across the table at her. “I’m good enough to fuck and do all that kinky shit with, but not good enough to be in a real relationship with.”

So he went there.

She tried not to let him see by her face how angry that had made her, but she was sure she had turned white. She was always about control, even now after he said that awful thing to her. He knew he blew it too, she watched his face because unlike her he couldn’t hide his feelings that well.

“I’m sorry.” But he knew it was too late. He had fucked up.

“I don’t think we should see each other for a while.” Stephanie said and she watched his face fall, he hadn’t expected that.

“Stephanie?” 

“Look, we both need to think about this, I told you it would end if either of us got in too deep.”

“I’m not in to deep, just because I want to see more of you.”

“Maybe, I wasn’t talking about you.” She said. “I need a break. I’ll call you ok, don't call me.” 

And she got up and walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t kill me ok? I never write an unhappy ending, I swear. Just hang in there with me.


	13. 13- I Want, What I Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every one thank you for the wonderful reviews, I love each and every one of you. This story is so different and you have made my day. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Xoxoxoxo Krissy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Merle's assessment of the band Tool comes directly from my own husband and he says the same thing that Merle says. We differ greatly in our music taste and my house is a constant war of grunge Vs country music. I wear earphones a lot. But he watches TWD with me so I'll keep him, crappy music taste and all. Every one thank you for the wonderful reviews, I love each and every one of you. This story is so different and you have made my day. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Xoxoxoxo Krissy

I just want to start this over, I want what I want, I want what I want. I want what I want, I want what I want.

Daryl wondered as he put the CD in the stereo like he did every night for weeks now if he had ever told her about ‘Tool’. Surely she would have laughed when he said he listened to Tool when he was sad. Some people listened to upbeat music to feel better, but not him.

He liked ‘Tool’ for these kinds of times. He liked to wallow in it and let it go through his entire being.

He wondered if he had ever told her about how he picked music based on his emotions at the time. Stephanie would appreciate that.

She probably was a fan of theirs too, hell, probably she knew them back in the day. She and her homie Tara probably saw them in concert from backstage like she had seen so many other bands.

He was sure he had told her. But maybe he didn’t, if he ever heard from her again he was telling her straight away. Just because.

Daryl listened to a lot of ‘Tool’ before she came into his life. It was an easy jump to go back to it again and he was right back to where he was before the day she gave him that card. Correction, he was worse now because he knew. What he wanted was out there and just out of his reach.

Daryl didn’t know what he would do if she told him to go find someone else. He knew there were other woman that would do this for him, but from the start he had wanted only her and that was still true.

He would just be alone now he guessed.

Was it only less than two months ago? It had been getting warmer and spring was coming then, now it was full on summer. It seemed like so much longer, and they had gotten to know each other so well.

The heat of the summer sun beat down on him and made him so tired, it was like he was walking through quicksand now, the bounce in his step gone forever.

He wished he had a picture of her, he knew closing his eyes to picture her wasn’t going to last forever. Her face floated across his mind like an endless loop, and he wasn’t taking the necklace off either. She had left in a rush and hadn’t taken it and so he still belonged to her as far as he was concerned.

Only she could take it off so until she did he was wearing it. Chained and bound to her until she told him otherwise.

Daryl only wanted her anyway, he could never go back to the way it was before Stephanie came into his life. She had opened up a whole new world to him and he had fallen in love with her. He found out with her, so much about himself and why his other relationships always failed. He had never connected to another person the way he connected to her, and now she was gone.

The worst part was he knew he had fucked up, she was trying, she was making steps toward him and it hadn’t been enough in his mind. He tried to push her and he regretted what he said to her. He had let his emotions get the best of him and said things he didn’t mean.

That had been a low blow and mean and almost like he thought what they were doing was wrong, which he didn’t. But he knew she had taken it that way, he had a big fucking mouth and now she was gone.

He should have taken the Saturday and run with it and understood that she was taking baby steps, but he wanted what he wanted. Just like this fucking song he kept listening to and more than anything he wanted her to call him. 

She said she would call him and he was just basically waiting and trying not to go to her house or the library every damn day, because that’s what he really wanted to do. But he wasn’t about to start stalking her, that would freak her out for sure. He just waited for her, afraid she would never come back.

Merle had noticed, he was home again on Friday nights and he remarked to Teagan that things we not good with Daryl at all. They were both watching him closely for signs that he wasn’t coping. He wasn’t drinking, which was good, but other things were happening that worried Merle.

Life felt empty now to Daryl, and as boring as vanilla ice cream with no sprinkles. Daryl liked chocolate ice cream, with sprinkles and nuts and hot fudge and everything else on it, the works.

33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Stephanie sat at her dining room table drinking her coffee and looking around the room. Just like she had been doing every day since she left him in the diner. This was one of the rooms they had been together in and her kitchen and her bedroom and this is why she never took anyone into her house. 

She couldn’t even take a shower now without remembering him.

She sat in the same chair she had blindfolded him in and she could still feel him all around her. He had left a bottle of that cologne he wore in her bathroom and she had actually caught herself smelling it like it was cocaine or something.

She had gotten up in the middle of the night to go smell it, thinking it might help her sleep, and it did. But then of course she woke up in the light of day and knew she was going crazy.

But even after that she didn’t throw it away.

This house was her haven from the world and now it was haunted. It was full of memories and everywhere she turned in the last few weeks reminded her of him. 

This was what she had been afraid of. This was why she always separated it and never broke the rules. Never let them in your house, in your space. Stephanie would never make that mistake again. Once she got over this.

She wanted to call Tara, but she knew what Tara would say. Tara would tell her to call him, but Tara wasn’t the one who was scared shitless to let him in any further than she already had. Tara wasn’t the one who had so much fear.

Stephanie had already broken so many rules and her fear was escalating the closer she let him get. That was why she went to see her in the first place. Tara and she were not alike in this instance. Tara flitted through life, as easy going as they came, and it was so easy for her as the only child of a rock star. She adapted to any situation and owned it completely. She was her father’s daughter after all.

As much as she tried, Stephanie could never quite be as free as Tara was. Although she wanted to be so badly.

They were as unalike as two people could be. Tara and Stephanie, always best friends who had each other’s backs, no matter what and had a shared history, but were so different.

She was terrified, and she couldn’t turn it off like she had been able to do before. She’d had five relationships like this before, all for longer than this, and she could always separate it before. Put it in the little box it belonged in and take it out when she needed it. It was so easy then.

Spend the time with them and walk away, that’s how she always was. Not this time.

This time walking away was so difficult and right from the jump she had broken all her rules, knowing it was a mistake every step of the way. Stephanie had been powerless to stop it; in hindsight it had been like dominos falling one after the other.

She couldn’t stop it and now it had gotten out of her control way too fast. Sooner or later she would have had to send him away, it was better this way. But it didn’t feel that way, she felt cold all the time and lonely.

She missed him and she had never missed another person besides Tara ever in her life.

Stephanie picked up her phone and called Tara, but she didn’t pick up. It was early evening and she must have been working, inking some lucky person, but she would call her back as soon as she could. Stephanie knew that. They always called each other right back.

When Tara called her back that night when she was already in bed and they talked long into the night. Tara encouraged her to just take a chance for once in life. It would be the hardest thing she ever did before, but Tara had assured her that she didn’t think she would regret it.

Stephanie listened to her friend and tried to digest the words. Tara spoke of happiness and belonging to someone in a different way that Stephanie had been used to. It wasn’t just about the monogamy, because she had always had that in relationships before.

It was about belonging in the heart and that’s what every human being wanted in life. It wasn’t the bad thing Stephanie thought it was. Tara reminded her that in the right circumstances it was the most wonderful thing there was in this world.

No matter who you were and what your issues were, if you found someone with matching baggage, Tara said it was a blessing not a curse.

She had Stephanie laughing and happy by the end of their two- hour long conversation. That was how it always went with them. They laughed and talked long into the night many times in the past.

Tara offered to come down and meet him, kind of to sign off on him and give her thumbs up if it would make her happy. She knew Stephanie was out of her element with this. Maybe it would make her feel less anxious to introduce him to her friends.

They made plans for Tara and Denise to come down that weekend. It had been over three weeks since she walked out on him. Coming up on four really fast too, and it still hurt just as much as the first day.

Maybe she would call him.

Thinking about it now after talking to Tara on the phone kept her awake. She tossed and turned until finally she got up at three am went through some emails from her web site on her laptop. It was the same as always and her heart wasn’t in it. Stephanie knew without a doubt that he made it all different now, she cranked her head phones that were in her ear. 

Music, it was always about music.

Skid Row sang about 18 and life.

(((((( Eighteen and life you got it, eighteen and life you know. Your crime is time and it’s eighteen and life to go.)))) 

She knew them, they toured with Tara’s father in 1989, she had spent that summer with Tara. Her parents were roadies on that tour and at least she had her best friend for the whole summer that year.

She stared at her laptop, there were emails from men, potential paramours as Daryl would say. There were at least fifteen men asking for her time, wanting interviews. This was how she always found men to be with in the past, Daryl had been the exception. She moved the curser to the top of the page and deleted them all.

)))Its eighteen and life to go.)))

333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Merle had enough, and Teagan was pissed at him but that was too bad. He had to do something. Daryl was sinking down into a pit faster than a drunk on payday. He looked like shit and something bad was going to happen if he didn’t do something.

So far, since whatever went down had gone down he was moping around the house and at work. He went right to his room as soon as he got home and never came out.

Teagan said that he needed to mourn and that Merle should leave him alone. He didn’t know fuck all about mourning or whatever it was Daryl was doing. But that was not the Dixon way. Dixon’s didn’t take shit lying down.

Dixons took action and if Daryl wouldn’t do it, then it was up to him.

For the first time in his life Merle was worried about him, he had always gone through relationships without too much fall out. But this was like a neutron bomb and a huge mushroom cloud was hanging over their house now.

Daryl said they were on a break, whatever the fuck that meant. All Merle knew was he was tired of listening to ‘Tool’ all night long coming out of his brother’s room.

He was tired of worrying about him.

On a Thursday afternoon, almost four weeks after Stephanie and Daryl broke up, while everyone was at lunch Merle went to the library. It was time to poke the snake and get things moving.

The five foot four brunette snake to be exact.

She was nowhere to be found, asked at the desk and the older lady pointed towards the back. He had only seen her that one time in the supermarket, but he remembered what she looked like. He came to a desk and she wasn’t there either.

Then he saw the boots through a gap in the shelves, the same ones she wore that day when they saw her in the grocery store. There she was.

He walked up to her in the stacks in the back of the library. She had her back to him and she was putting books on the shelves. But he could tell she felt a presence behind her. He saw her touch her boot as if she had a weapon in there.

Well god damn. She was a firecracker. He could see the appeal and the reason Daryl was the way he was over her.

“What did you do to my brother missy?”

She stood back up as if she wasn’t just reaching for a knife and turned to look at the man standing before her. She knew who he was, Daryl’s older brother of course. She had seen him at the store a few weeks ago, but also they looked alike, they had the same eyes. That same southern drawl that was so smoky hot too. But his eyes, she had missed those eyes.

Stephanie wasn’t really surprised to see his brother there at all, she knew they were close. Daryl’s brother seeking her out was confirmation that things might not be as black and white as she thought at first.

Her first thought was that he would tell Daryl she still had the necklace on, because she knew that would be the first thing he would ask Merle. Only he could take it off, that was the rule, she could stick to one of them after all. At least one rule was still good.

Merle noticed the bags under her eyes right away, she wasn’t sleeping either, good. This would be easier than he thought, even though he was prepared to drag this girl to his house by her hair if that’s what it took.

Merle was done with this yesterday, and he was prepared to throw down with whoever he had to, her or Daryl, it didn’t much matter now.

“Damn darlin, you look like shit.” He remarked before she could get a word out.

“Who’s your brother?” she asked innocently.

“Don’t fuck with me Stephanie.” Merle hissed. “I know who you are. And you know who I am. Why did you break it off with him?”

“Maybe you should ask your brother.” Maybe she should just tell him the nature of their relationship and for sure the man would go away, but that wasn’t her. She would never betray a confidence like that.

“Well, I would sweetheart but he’s not in any shape to be talking, he won’t eat and he won’t go out, just sits in his room listening to fucking ‘Tool’ every night after work and I want to know what the fuck you did.”

“You don’t understand; you need to ask him.” She said. 

“I just told you he isn’t in no shape, what’s it been three, four weeks?” He waved his hand at her. “I can hear him walking the floors all night. Looks like you been doing the same.”

He wrote down something on a paper he found on the desk behind him.

“Merle.” She said and his head snapped up. “Yes, I know who you are it’s complicated I’m not trying to be rude…I’m…”

“Look, I don’t know if you know this, or how much he told you. But he’s a relationship disaster, been sad all his life because of it.” Merle said as he wrote on the paper. “Then he meets you and it’s like I always thought. He was just a late bloomer and he changed overnight, because of you.”

“Merle…” She started, wanting to say that she didn’t change him, that he was the one that changed her.

“Don’t much matter what you think girlie, cause once my brother falls in love, well that girl owns him for life.” He pointed to her and shoved the paper at her. “That would be you Miss. Stephanie Mcloughlin. How’s it feel to know that?” 

She took it from him and looked at it.

“Here’s the address, go see him please.” Merle said. “Look I bought a ring for my girl three weeks ago and now I can’t propose because my brother is a basket case, you don’t look much better either.”

She looked at the man in front of her. Daryl had said they were nothing alike, but she saw it. It was something that Merle Dixon sought her out, he loved his brother and wanted him to be happy. He took a huge chance coming to see her. They were very much alike.

“Come on girlie, can you please go back to smashing my brother? I hate Tool.” He said. “Maynard’s voice gives me a twitch, help a guy out here.”

33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

It was later that Thursday and Daryl was sitting on the porch drinking a cup of coffee and smoking. He didn’t smoke in the house, per the new lady of the house, so he did come out of his room sometimes. Merle was exaggerating just a bit.

Teagan was inside making dinner and he was waiting for Merle to get home. He thought about going hunting this weekend, just the two of them. He needed to talk to someone. He was sick and tired of feeling this way, but he didn’t know what to do about it.

((( Forty- six and two ahead of me.))))

He heard her car coming as he sat out on the porch smoking, even over the music he was playing which was Tool. Not ‘Sober’, this time it was ‘46 and 2’. Her car sounded like a jacked up Volkswagen and it was music to his ears. It had been weeks since they argued in the diner. Truth be told he didn’t think he was ever going to see her again.

All of the misery and regret made him not try to play this cool. He stood up as she pulled her car in the driveway and didn’t even try to hide how happy he was. He didn’t even know if she knew where he lived, but here she was and he wasn’t fighting it.

Daryl walked down the drive way as she pulled the break and got out of the car. His eyes poured over her face and at the diamond at her throat. He couldn’t hide it and he didn’t want to, he threw down the cigarette and threw his arms around her, holding her so tight. He was kissing her before he knew what he was doing.

“I have some issues.” She said. “Extreme fear of commitment obviously.”

“Like I don’t have any?” He laughed. “We can figure it out.”

“Ok.” She replied. 

“I won’t be pushy, I promise, ok? I’m sorry about that.” He said.

She nodded and he kissed her again.

“I won’t ever do that again. I swear.”

“Tara’s coming this weekend, you’re going to love her.”

He did a double take; she was going to introduce him to Tara? They had fought about him wanting her to meet his family and she had called Tara here to meet him.

“We’re going to be fine.” He took her hand and they walked towards his house. “I have some iced tea for you.”

“Ok, iced tea sounds great.” She replied.

“Come on, you can meet Merle’s girl Teagan.” He said. “And Merle should be here soon.”

He stopped short and turned to her.

“Is it ok?”

She swallowed hard and smiled through the anxiety. “Sure.” It was ok, she knew it would be ok.

He never let go of her hand and they started walking again.

“Did I tell you how much I like ‘Tool’?” He asked, keeping his promise to himself.

“Yes, you told me that.”

She said as they walked into the house.


	14. Epilogue Don't move and Be Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this so much and I am so grateful to everyone who read and reviewed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking a chance on a different kind of story. I may look in on them from time to time, because I really love them.

Sixteen months later-

Stephanie had lit a candle and placed it on the dining room table. I had an ocean scent and she had bought it the weekend before when she was out with Tara. Tara had come down to stay the weekend with them while Denise was on call. They made Daryl watch ‘City of Angels’ with them and they all fell asleep in the living room like a bunch of teenagers at a sleepover.

It wasn’t the first time she had come for a visit and she told Daryl it was for the banging blueberry pancakes he always made for them. They also made him listen to 'Iris' really listen to the words, while making said pancakes. He got it and he got her. She said that song always reminded her on him and herself and now they had each other. They got each other, what made each other tick.

No one was there but the two of them now. Stephanie had candles all around the room and the smell was exactly like the beach on a summer day.

That combined with the lemongrass oil she had just rubbed all over his shoulders and her coconut perfume made the whole room smell beautiful.

It was nighttime and she was in the middle of tying Daryl’s ankles to the chair he was sitting in. She had already tied his arms loosely behind his back with two scarves, so that he could move them to get comfortable, if he needed to. But he couldn’t get free.

Then she straddled him and sat on his lap facing him, she rolled her hips over his lap just enough to make him break out in a sweat. This was doing it for her too, and he was already hard as soon as she started tying him.

“You know Daryl, you’re a great fuck.” She said quietly. “Spectacular.”

“Speak for yourself.” He replied.

She put her finger to his lips. “Shhhhh.”

On the table next to them was a glass of Pepsi, a glass of iced tea and the hot fudge. She balanced herself across his lap, with her feet on the floor and looked at him.

“Well.” She grinned at him. “Hot or cold, hmmm?”

He didn’t answer her, because he knew she wasn’t asking his opinion. He just watched her hoping she would kiss him soon.

She didn’t, she took an ice cube out of her glass and put it in her mouth. She looked at him as she let it melt in her mouth. Then she put one hand on either side of his neck letting her fingers wind up to his face.

Then she kissed him and her lips were cold then he felt her tongue which was cold and the stud was like ice. He groaned out loud deep from his chest as she moved against him. She had music playing in the background as always and it was soft and soothing. He could hear the words filtering in. ‘Tear You Apart, by ‘She Wants Revenge’. 

(((((( It’s only just a crush it’ll go away, It’s just like all the others it’ll go away. Or maybe this is danger and you just don’t know. You pray it all away but it continues to grow.)))))

His mind was already on over load, she had on a pair of cloth shorts and he knew she wasn’t wearing underwear. He was wearing sweatpants and no boxers, per Stephanie’s request and now he could feel her. She was right there, only two pieces of material between him and paradise.

His sweats were hanging down low on his hips and he didn’t have a shirt on. Already the sweat was rolling down his neck and back.

“How about you take off your shirt too.” He said grinning, she had on a tank top with spaghetti straps on so there wasn’t much to it.

She dipped her finger in the hot fudge and shook her head.

((((((( I wanna hold you close, skin pressed against me tight. Lie still and close your eyes girl. So lovely it feels so right. I wanna hold you close, soft breath, beating heart. As I whisper in your ear, I wanna fucking tear you apart.))))))

“Nope.” She said sticking her finger in his mouth and he groaned as he sucked the fudge off her finger. “Just be good Daryl.”

“I’m always good.”

“True.”

She brought her lips close to his but not close enough, she dipped her finger back in the fudge and licked it off her finger. He was starting to breathe heavily as he watched her and she was so close, he could smell her and the hot fudge. But he couldn’t reach her.

“Ah. Don’t move.” She said backing away a little and dipping her hand again into the jar. “Be good.”

She painted some of the fudge on the top of her breast at the shirt line and leaned over him. He opened his mouth but she wasn’t close enough.

“Come on baby.” He groaned.

Finally, she got close enough for him to lick it off of her skin. It had dripped down slightly between her breasts and she allowed him to lick it all off.

Stephanie ground down on top of him and his dick was hard as concrete already. She hissed out a breath from the feel of him and his eyes were rolling around in his head. He felt so good against her and she knew if she moved against him just a little more that would finish her, but she made sure to not move in that direction.

Not yet anyway.

She loved the effect she had on him she ran her hands down over his neck and he was sweating, she reached for an ice cube and ran it over his neck. Then she followed that with her lips and licked the water down his neck and over his chest.

“Jesus.” He moaned.

((((( But their lips met, and reservations started to pass.))))

His heart rate skipped up and she felt it, she watched as his skin flushed and his breathing speed up. She pushed his hair out of his face.

“You doing ok?” She asked. “Your feet ok?”

He nodded and reached his face towards her to try and get a kiss. She leaned down and kissed him obscenely. Then she brought her lips to his ear and breathed into his ear, making all the hair on his neck stand up.

“Can you be good.” She nibbled at his ear. “Cause if you can be good, I’m going to suck your dick.”

Daryl threw his head back. “Fuck.”

She kissed down his neck and over his chest. “Can you be good?”

He nearly died when Stephanie looked up at him as she slid down over his lap and into her knees. She dipped her tongue into his belly button and he bucked his hips.

“Be good.” She said sweetly. “Don’t move.”

He was struggling, he wanted to move his hips into her.

(((( Now a little crush turned into a like.))))

“You sure we got time for this?”

She quirked an eyebrow at him and looked up at him. “Are you doubting me.”

“Teagan will kill us if we’re late to the rehearsal dinner.”

“Just tell her we got…distracted.” She kissed down past his belly button and licked his lower stomach. “I picked up your suit already and it’s in the closet.”

“Thanks sweetheart.” He hissed.

“Well, thank you for fixing the dishwasher.”

She slid his pants off and freed his cock, finally. When he felt her hands on him he groaned.

“Got to earn my keep around here, don’t want to get thrown out.”

She laughed. “Merle said he turned your room into an office for Teagan to write last year, you can’t go back.”

“Are you going to keep talking or what?” He sighed out.

“Hey.” She let go of his dick, and put more ice in her mouth.

“Ok, ok I’m sorry. Touch me again, please.” He said wanting her hands back on him right away. He watched her as she let the ice melt in her mouth.

“Oh, you asked so nicely.” She grinned up at him. “That’s better.” She licked him from base to tip and he growled.

“Fuck, Stephanie.” He groaned. “Fuck that’s good.”

“Are you sure we have time?’ She grinned back up at him.

“They aint going anywhere.” He replied.

 

The end

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think :)


End file.
